Raf profile picture

Raf

We got 'em

About Me

..I find the term cliché cliché. I’m not lying when I say that I’d rather be in Vegas. If I were a member of the Rat Pack, I would obviously be Dino. This is not negotiable. I’m a nocturnal cog living in a nine-to-five world, but I’m working on it. Actually, I have no idea what I’m doing up right now, but I guess I could try and tell a joke. Nah, a story seems more fitting. I may or may not be distantly related to Jerry Seinfeld. My life is immersed, evaluated, and reflected in film, yet I have failed to find the person who could accurately portray me on the big screen. Tell DeNiro to figure out a way how to de-age thirty years, stat. I am either the person you root for or against in a film. There are very few people who are completely indifferent to me. I suppose that makes me multi-dimensional. I am versatile—capable of switching from ironic to sardonic in mere seconds. I believe White Cherry Apple Juice may be one of the most underrated drinks of our time; An admitted novice, I am fairly proficient in the art of trash talk. I once defeated Brian Smith in a Steel Cage match. I sometimes wish that I could be a baller like Dana White and place ridiculous $10,000 wagers games of ping-pong or table tennis. I hate the fact that I am now addicted to Fantasy Sports leagues. Next time you see Chamberlain, simply punch him in the face and say “you know what that’s for.” He will. I’m currently in the last leg of my Mid-West tour. Tickets are selling out fast. Early word has it this will be my last farewell tour. Thank you, goodnight and goodluck, and please tip your waitress.

My Interests

I'd like to meet:

Martin Scorsese.Joe Rogan.Tina Fey.Sgt. Slaughter.The guy who invented DVR.Rampage Jackson.Charlie Kaufmann.The guy who invented the KFC Bowls.Danger Mouse.Bryan Singer.AND MORE!

My Blog

Oscars 2009

Hello everyone.Ah, yes, its that time of the year, when I focus my ADD long enough to write a few (read: long-winded) thoughts about the Oscars.  Sit back, Ive got some things on my mind.Rather than...
Posted by on Thu, 26 Feb 2009 23:48:00 GMT

2008 VMAs: A Celebration of 25 Years and 21 1/3 Entertaining VMAs

We might as well get straight to it, shall we?Of course the VMAs were awful.  It's their job and MTV happens to be quite dependable at sucking.  The awards don't matter, the mindless banter ...
Posted by on Mon, 08 Sep 2008 13:22:00 GMT

The Dark Knight: A Personal Reflection

I will not begin to deceive you by calling this a conventional movie review. I feel it is necessary to inform you that the following response is just a collection of thoughts after my very first impr...
Posted by on Mon, 21 Jul 2008 05:53:00 GMT

Is it really Mexicirish Day again?

It's that time of the year again.  A time when many of us located throughout these greater states can come together to celebrate the midpoint between St. Patrick's Day and Cinco de Mayo.  Th...
Posted by on Thu, 10 Apr 2008 22:00:00 GMT

People on the Edge of the Night

I've been known to thrive off pressure. Well& not just thrive, but live, eat, and reside in pressure. Like most writers will tell you, it's when I believe I do my best work. Again, you could ...
Posted by on Fri, 30 Nov 2007 09:31:00 GMT

Since Ive Been Gone: Writing Update

So I'm alive... and that's pretty awesome. Apologies for not getting back to you sooner, but I think I lost all of your numbers or something.    I know.  I'm a bad friend. Su...
Posted by on Mon, 26 Nov 2007 17:20:00 GMT

Interactive Entry: Music Sampling... your thoughts here...

I hate, nay, loathe the Sean Kingston desecration of "Stand By Me." Every time I drive on the 405, I hear the song "Beautiful Girl" and it makes me want to vomit in my mouth. Now I pose the following ...
Posted by on Fri, 08 Jun 2007 17:32:00 GMT

realization

I've realize now that the amount of drama contained within 2 hours of "Crash" could have easily been summed up in 5 minutes in the 1997 major motion picture, "Volcano."That's all.  
Posted by on Tue, 08 May 2007 23:13:00 GMT

New verse, same as the first (Cinco De Mayo festivities)

Thanks to everyone who helped to make Mexicirish day a true success.  For those who were interested, the competition ended in a unbreakable tie between the co-creators of the event.  It was ...
Posted by on Fri, 04 May 2007 13:36:00 GMT

Viva: Mexicirish Day 2007

In case some of you good folks haven't heard from Smitty, I would like to forward the following information about tomorrow's mas importante event: April 14th will mark the second annual celebration of...
Posted by on Fri, 13 Apr 2007 13:38:00 GMT