Wade Aldy Tribute Show Aug. 21st @ HOB

It's Rex Manning Day!!!! I'm a bartender, which makes me cooler than you. I like mushrooms. I live for sexual innuendos. I like getting drunk and saying offensive things to people. I have the voice of an angel and the dance moves of 1980's Michael Jackson. Much like yourself, I'm a slave to the dollar bill. My bullshitting abilities are simply out of this fucking world. I'm so amazing that I'm constantly amazing myself. I'm so humble and down to Earth that I make Mother Theresa look like Saddam Hussein. I'm a great role model for children of all ages. I'll steal your honey like I stole your bike. I was the creative mastermind who came up with the idea for the "THIS IS YOUR BRAIN...THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS" with the egg commercials. I love lamp. I hate people of all races. Gingers make me want to vomit. My one and only goal in life is to someday be Miss America. I don't like poor people or hippies, or the way they smell. I fluently speak twelve different languages, and I'm learning another now. I'm against all feminists (I'm good for the kitchen and bedroom. I'd like to keep it that way, so shut your god damn butch mouths the hell up!). I refuse to call a stewardess a "flight attendant" because I'm a rebel at heart. I really look forward to having a child one day so I can force it into show business and turn it into my little cash cow. I have black belts in any form of martial arts you can possibly imagine (Go on, let your imagination run free! Tap into that creative outlet of yours and exersise that bitch!). I'm so hot that I can set the Monte Carlo Hotel & Casino on fire just by walking in the mother f'in doors. I'll rock you like a hurricane, and you'll love it. I hate Kurt Cobain and his overrated shit band Nirvana with a passion. When I hear their music I instantly want to violently kick a small baby, or, to be politically correct, a "little person." I'm so nice that I allow Carly to be my friend and hang out with me (LOVE YOU SLUTMUFFIN!). I taught Eddie Van Halen everything he knows. I make the best god damn drinks in all of Vegas, because in every cocktail I prepare, I add in lots of love and always garnish with a smile. I hate most animals, but I don't eat meat. I always remember to say, "please," and "thank you." I can do anything, anything at all, and for this I am proud. I'm so sure of myself that I feel I could sell a Bible AND the Book of Mormon to the devil himself in five minutes or less, or else it's free! There's nothing I hate more than when there's too many nigga's and not enough ho's. It was I who shot Tupac, but trust me he had it fucking coming. So there you go, mystery solved. I'm against the war on drugs, and the idea of last call. I'm strongly agaisnt sending food to places like Ethiopia and other third world countries. Thin is in, people. They should be proud of their bodies. If I were to give one bit of advice to the children of tomorrow, it would be: It's not about what you know. It's about what you can do with your mouth. The best advice I've ever been given came from your mother, and went along the lines of: The best way to make you popular with the boys is to put out on the first date. I'm most likely laughing at you rather than with you. I was blessed with phenomenal writing abilities, and I'm certain that someday I will be the next Shakespeare. I have the looks and charm of a school boy. I'm the cream of the crop, baby. Always number one. I'm as good as it gets. Eat your fuckin heart out... I AM THE FUTURE. Go ahead and tell your friends that we hang out. Cause I'm ice cold, baby. Word to your mother. Bitches