Most of you know me as Krusty the Clown's sidekick, a job I have held for longer than a decade. I became Krusty' sidekick after his former sidekick, Sideshow Bob, was incarcerated for armed robbery.My real name is Melvin van Horn, and I am an alumnus of Cornell University (go Big Red!).I am in a relationship with a buxom, short haired woman named Barbara. One time, Barbara became enraged with me and refused to pleasure me with the french arts. I also had a brief fling with Krusty's sister.An acomplishment I am most proud of was the time I proved Mr. Smithers was not the person who shot Mr. Burns. I was also the jury forman in the trial of Mona Simpson, whom we found not guilty. I did love being sequestered at the Quality Inn, which more than lived up to its nameAs many of you know, my trademark look is that bone I've got lodged in my hair. Let this be a warning to you, never use a bone to try and dig gum out of your hair. Also, sometimes I can feel meteorological conditions in the bone, such as incoming storms. Once I pulled out the bone, and duled with it.You might think working on a popular clown show would be fun, but it really isn't. Krusty often gets angry and throws things at me. And sometimes I have to do dangerous and painful stunts on the show. One time Krusty poured liquid nitrogen down my pants and cracked my buttocks with a hammer.For a brief period, we had this kid who worked as an assiatant on the show named Bart. He would bring us lunch, and one time he brought me a sandwhich with cheese on it. I'm highly lactose intolerant and I forced Bart to stand on the other side of the bathroom door so I could yell at him while I was feeling the ill effects of the lactose.
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