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DISCLAIMER - This page may contain strong language (unsuitable for children), unusual humour (unsuitable for some adults) and massive geekiness (unsuitable for everyone).
Craig is the son of both his parents.
Born a triangle back in the eighties he discovered golf shortly before his third birthday. He won every single tournament before splitting from his caddy at the age of four due to artistic differences.
After a brief spell in rehab Craig became an inventor; successful projects include the cheese press, potato, land rover discovery, steam locomotive and Trevor McDonald.
He is widely renowned for his two jazz-punk fused solo albums, both reaching critical acclaim throughout the music industry before he had even turned five. Continuing with his new direction in modern music he teamed up with fellow rockers the Manic Street Preachers for the writing of their third album.
Despite the gargantuan efforts of bassist Nicky Wire, 'Pythagorean Triplets' was deemed far too explicit for public release and was sent to the moon.
Craig released a statement in 1996, revealing that since he was fast approaching eight years old, he felt that he 'had come to a creative cul-de-sac' in his career and temporarily left the music industry to 'get his demon back'.
Many long months of silence followed, until he reappeared on our TV screens in the summer of 1998 with an update to his Trevor McDonald called Sir Trevor McDonald.
Craig then went on to co-present Channel 4's salvage squad with Suggs. The Queen, who was said to be an avid viewer of the programme, sent Craig half a dozen corgis. Not wishing to appear rude, Craig - who was allergic to the queen's bitches - gave them to Suggs, who had them all shot because they smelt of feathers.
At the end of Craig's TV career in 2000 he turned his hand to caravanning. With this came the love of dropping litter, burglary, tree-cutting and tax evasion.
He has since cleaned up his act, washing his shoes almost every day except tuesdays.
Craig is currently pretending to be a lawyer so that he can watch rich people pay him lots of money and get sent to prison anyway. He owns several maids, racehorses and his own vacuum cleaner.