jacob profile picture

jacob

This crap will make you vomit in your own mouth, which people in my hood call a Vurp

About Me

I was born in Jamaica in the late 1800's, the son of Amish farmers. I was brought to this country to participate in WWI, where I died in a horrible accident involving a musket, and reincarnated as an eclectic mix of caucasian races, with a dash of american indian, to complete the tasty recipe that is me. I was born again in Akron, OH, in the backseat of a taxi on the way to the hospital, which was ironic, because I was consummated in that same cab, after a night of hard drinking and something that normal people call "swingin". I decided to move to Florida, the year after I became married, so that my wife's teaching degree would not completely go to waste. We now live in Orlando, which I affectionately term Bat Country, for no other reason than I watched Fear and Loathing a few too many times. I also have an unhealthy love of fudge rounds.

My Interests

underwater basket weaving, gambling, being an L, loving my wife, writing things that don't make much sense.

I'd like to meet:

I am really not interested in meeting anyone, since I am happily married.

Music:

I love punk fucking rock, NOFX, PW, Good Riddance, and Loverboy mostly

Movies:

Anything funny, or entertaining. Corky Romano deserved an Oscar, Chris Kattan's performance was among the most special in the history of modern cinema

Television:

Sports, poker, fly fishing, Aqua Teen, and old reruns of TJ Hooker

Books:

I like to read books about feminism, and anything that gives me a special warm feeling in my nether regions

Heroes:

My heroes are the Powerpuff Girls, and anyone who is funny without trying to hard

My Blog

I am all grown up now

What is up my schniggy`s?  Since I`m a dad now I feel like I need to tell the whole world....That my son like`s the tit!  Isn`t that special?  Sometimes, he`ll be on it for like 45 minu...
Posted by jacob on Sun, 20 May 2007 07:45:00 PST

Never work with KenBob.....EVER!!

That would be our home loan guy, who knows nothing about HOME LOANS!!!!  He has, in so many words, f'ed us in the A, with no Astro-Glide.  I could write forever about it, but I guess it isn'...
Posted by jacob on Thu, 06 Jul 2006 04:57:00 PST

This is my first blog, so look at it, if you can read. If not, sorry, no pics

I really don't know what the hell to write here.  I guess blogs are for people who are totally in love with themselves, and actually think that others care about what they have to say.  I ha...
Posted by jacob on Mon, 22 May 2006 08:04:00 PST