The doctors called it a genetically anomaly, half man, half bear, and half pirate. 3 halfs? Pshhhht! By the age of 1 I was fluent in English, Spanish, and German, and by 3 wrote a thesis on lingual combinations of said languages to create what is known as Spanglish, Genglish, and Sperman. I was awared the Nobel Prize in 1984 for re-creating the abacus into what the world knows as a calculator, or to some, an adding machine. Graduated from Brown University in 1986, where I mastered in International Business Law, and Particle Physics and carried a 5.0 GPA. 5.0? Pshhhht!
After winning the New York State Lottery Game, "Win For Life" 16 times simultaneously in one afternoon, I moved into the Duff Brewery Beerfort behind my mothers house. I live off native West Senecan Berries and leaves, hunt for wild game while wearing a loin cloth, and surf the internet on a computer that I created out of 36 sticks and an old Genesee can. Of course, i have notated all of my adventures on slabs of tree bark, and am currently filming my documentary, "A Man, and His Forest..The Tales Of Patchy Back Hair." To be released early 2007. Passed over titles included, "Hairy Potter, Choke Back Mountain, and Fishin' Impossible."
