I am Calvin, and I am all-knowing. I'm not really Satanic. I just think it's funny to pretend. But you know what isn't funny? My authority, which must be obeyed at all times. With that said, I am instituting my first decree of tyranny over the myspace universe! My top twelve is a contest. You must all compete for my friendship. The higher you're ranked, the more I like you. Make sense? Good, because I'm going to move fast!You can better my appreciation for you in the following ways:
1. Buy me things.
2. Tell me how cool I am as often as possible.
3. Give me money for absolutely no reason at all... other than to impress me.
4. Take me to Denny's and pick up my check.
5. Buy me things.
6. Become Satanic.
7. Buy me things.
8. Don't make fun of my music. (that doesn't really count. Because if you DO make fun of my music, I'll kill you anyway.)
9. Hate Jews.
10. Buy me more things.
11. Inform me of upcomming concerts that I would have an interest in going to. Then pay for my ticket and drive me there.
12. Smoke pot with me.
13. Have sex with me. (only females are applicable.)
14. Buy me even MORE things.
15. Bring John Lennon back from the dead and have him play a show in my back yard.
16. Kill Tina Turner.
17. Kill Barbara Streisand.
18. Kill Celine Dion.
There you go boys and girls. You have your grocery list. Now get out there and shop! (for my affection.)
ALSO... DON'T TALK! WATCH!
