Lilah.

Delilah Ashford™
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You know when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales? That fantasy of what your life would be – white dress, prince charming who’d carry you away to a castle on a hill. You’d lie in your bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa clause, the tooth fairy, prince charming –they were so close you could taste them. But eventually you grow up and one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is, it’s hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely because almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope and faith that one day they would open their eyes and it would all come true.
What is life anyway? I've often pondered the meaning but haven't found one yet. Maybe because I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do with myself. You hear all these things about one person changing the life of another but is that really what life is about? Changing other peoples lives? Are we really just here to help eachother? It's normal for a human being to question life but not at the early age I did. Being a child you're too young to do anything but live in the moment, oblivious to what is going on in the present and what kind of terrible things are out there. I'm sure you're supposed to experiance the bad to know how wonderful good really is but I've had a good once or twice in my life. At least those that I can remember. The good followed by bad. Its almost like theres a moment of happiness but it's ruined by the forboding disipointment and torment. Take heartbreak for example, You live in the moment with someone else. You don't really think about the dangers coming but when they do it hits your hard and you scramble to pick up the peices. Sometimes the peices go in the wrong places and its up to someone else to put them where they should be. I'm just not sure I've found this person. And no, it doesn't have to be a man that breaks your heart. A mother, a father, a friend, a sibling, or a complete stranger on the street has the power to mend or break a human being. Some use the power more than others, and that's what I believe is a good person, who doesn't think twice about the bad and lives in the good. That's probably someone I will never be.
Religious people talk about those seven deadly sins. If you persue as little as one you'll be sent straight to hell unless you are forgiven by god himself. Now, what do we do when our brain tells us one thing and our hearts tell us another. Your mind may tell you to stay away from anything lust related but your heart says go for it. What do we do now? Take a chance and see 50, 50 which the better answer is? And what if we are wrong, are we going straight to hell for taking a chance? I'm not sure if rambling about religion is effecting anyone but I'm simply saying we all make mistakes and sometimes arn't forgiven. I'm saying that some of us know they were honest mistakes and we chose the wrong door to walk through, not knowing what's on the other side because our heart's overpowered us. You can change the mind but not the heart.

Nineteen years all and I've tried to figure out what life is about and what is the deal with fate. I haven't found it and I don't think it should be found because there is no deffinate answer. You make your own life and you choose your own fate. It starts from the moment you're born. Are you going to use your right or left hand first? Suck your thumb or choose a favorite toy? Are you going to trust the ones that care for you and let them screw you over, or are you going to stand up for yourself. It's really all the same. One or the other. That's really what I can sum up about life, you need to choose the right door. Take the time and step back, think it over, and hope for the best. Maybe you'll turn out alright or maybe it wasn't ment to be. Everything happens for a reason.