the red rocketWELL IT ALL STARTED IN A LITTLE TOWN IN THAILAND MY DAD WAS A TRAVELIN NOMAD HE WENT FROM BANANA HUT TO BANANA HUT UNTIL HE KNOCKED UP THIS LITTLE WOMAN OF THE AGE OF 72 SHE WAS A GERMAN WOMAN WITH WEB FEET AND TWO TEETH THAT WHERE THREE INCHES APART NINE MONTHS LATER I WAS BORN I WAS 6'3" AND WEIGHED 172 LBS I HAD A NORMAL CHILDHOOD U KNOW PLAYIN WITH MY AK AND LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE ALWAYS MOVIN WHEN THE CIA CAME AND PUT U IN THE WITNESS PROTECTION PROGRAM I ALWAYS KNEW I SHOULD HAVE NOT TOLD THE COPS THAT I SAW OJ DO IT BUT THEY INSISTED THAT I GO AWAY SO THATS WHEN I MOVED TO NORTH CAROLINA WHERE I BECAME AN ACTIVE MEMBER OF THE MOTHERS AGAINST PREMARITAL SEX BUT THAT DIDNT LAST LONG I WAS KICKED OUT WHEN THEY SAW MY DAUGHTER AND THAT I WAS A MAN DAMN POLITICS BUT I GOT OVER IT I HAVE BEEN IN AND OUT OF JAIL FOR POSSESION OF A CONCEALED WEAPON THEY TELL ME TO KEEP IT BETWEEN MY LEGS BUT I DIDNT LISTEN AND SO MY SON WAS BORN HA HA GOTCHA ANYWHO I LIVE AN ABNORMAL LIFE IN THE LITTLE TOWN OF GRANITE FALLS WHERE EVERYBODY KNOWS EVERYBODY AND U GET BITCHED AT FOR SHIT U HAVENT EVEN DONE BUT THEY SAY U ARE GOING TO DO IT BECAUSE SO AND SO SAID U WERE SO I THINK I MIGHT TRY TO JOIN THE CIRCUS AND BECOME THE TATOOED PIERCED FReaK BUT THEY WOULDNT HIRE ME BECAUSE I WAS TOO UGLY AND I WAS BAD FOR BUSINESS SO NOW I HAVE A GREAT JOB WITH ALLTEL MAYBE U HAVE SEEN ME ON TV NOT DAMNIT PEOPLE MY NAME IS NOT TY PENNINGTON I DONT LOOK LIKE HIM I DONT THINK SERIOUSLY I DO HAVE A DESCENT JOB AND IM TIRED OF WRITING SO THATS ENOUGH FOR NOW AND OH YEAH THANK YOU FOR SHOPPING AT SUPER WAL-MART. MAN I JUST CANT SEEM TO KEEP A GIRLFRIEND I MEAN THE DOC SAID I WOULD HAVE A LOT OF SIDE EFFECTS FROM THE ESTROGEN PILLS AND THAT MY BOOBS SHOULDNT OFFEND ANY GIRLS BUT I THINK HES A WACKO I HAVE TO TELL U THAT I HAVE A SICK SENSE OF HUMOR AND THAT IF U DIDNT LIKE READING THIS THEN U HAVE NO BUSINEES TALKIN TO ME I BELIEVE LAUGHTER IS THE CURE FOR EVERYTHING AND U ONLY PASS THRU LIFE ONCE U SHOULD ENJOY EVERY SECOND OF IT i dont have but a few friends but my closest friend jerry says i look like one of the back street boys....but i dont think i do. i enjoy painting and making pottery and weaving indian blankets for the elderly ladies at the local rest home. when i vist i take them cookies and cakes that i have baked for them. as for fashion im always wearing the latest trends...like today i wore cut-off blue-jean shorts with a button down shirt and a pair of velco shoes from wal-mart along with my blinging rope chain. i use to do hair for a living but i gave that up....but every now and then i still get a call from grandma to give her a perm and i just cant say no to her. i dont know what people referring to when they say "REAL MEN DONT EAT QUICHE" i love quiche, it makes me feel all warm & fuzzy. and i dont understand why pink is not a masculine color. i wear pink shorts and my yellow wife-beater tanktop. i like boy bands like n-sync, backdoor boys, 98degrees just to name a few. i love playing volleyball at a nude beach and sunbathing. i love playing checkers and solitiare. i love to plant and work in my garden during the summer time..nothing like some good corn and some beans at the dinner table. i love shopping at wal-mart and catching all the latest sales. i love to hangout with the guys and watch chic flicks and have tickle fights. i love to collect all kinds of things i have the whole collection of pound puppies from hardees..dont even act like you dont have of these because you know you do. and no to mention the califorina raisins. and my most valauble collection is my cabbage patch dolls. i love to sing karokee im not very good at it but some of the artists i like to do is clay aiken, elton john and george michael but i would have to say my most favorite song to sing would have to be R.E.S.P.E.C.T by aretha franklin most of the time the guys get up and sing that one with me. i enjoying working out i love to do pilates and richard simmons workout videos. i recently had gastric by-pass done along with a tummy tuck and botox. at age 28 the wrinkles wouldnt stop and it seemed like everything i was eating was going straight to my hips....i can proudly say that i have lost 25lbs and 3 dress sizes. trust me i have done all the diets that was out there including..jenny craig, 10hour hollywood diet, slim fast, weight watchers, diet pills, richard simmons....you name it i tried it. i also enjoy getting a lot of friends together and playing cowboy and indians. i also enjoy travel, yard sales,goodwills, flea markets, garage sales, picnics, early morning coffee, early morning walks, and campfires. i love to sit and just read a good book or magazine like cosmopolition, country women, womens day, red book, taste at home, backyard, carolina country,, home n garden, and fashion magazine to name a few.and i love to pamper myself with mani/pedis all the timeyou've asked for it so here it is.The way my day starts off is like,i get up from my race-car bed,sling back my he-man sheets and grab a quick shower in the nearby creek.Because my shower is like messed up and stuff.Its ok though,i like feeling close to nature and all its surroundings.So then i get out my little sippycup and pour some pink coolaid and lets not forget the captin crunch cereal.Usually by this time some ole toothless wonder skank is sending me a text message,and i like told her stop it, cause were like sooo through and junk and i just couldnt take nomore of like her crap and stuff. Then i start weaving my baskets so i can sell them and get enough money for the falloutboy concert.Omg i love the falloutboys,like if they would hang out with me they would have such a cool time and junk,like we could hangout at the mall,and go shopping and maybe go see a chick flick,or better yet just go somewhere quiet and read a book.But anywho,after all that is finished i call up my buddies,like k-dawg,jerry,jon-b,david,nate,shannon,bob,jimbob,lil bob,slim jim,jim beam,i hope im not leaving anyone out,oh yeah,peggy sue,and we go hit up a cool club,and after that we go back to my place and take our shoes off and tickle each other,its soooo cool,then everyone sleeps over at my place,,,no worries ive got enough starwars,and he-man sheets to go around.I know it sounds like im living on the edge ,but hey someones gotta do it. i live in a small town in north carolina we have one caution light here but its burnt out and hasnt worked in yrs. we use to have a cop but he got busted with the local prositute in town.well let me tell you a little bit about me...i love long walks in the park with my dog fluffy. i love sunny day where i can get my mazda miata out and just take a drive up to the mountains and let the wind blow threw my mullet and my chest hair.and yes if you were wondering i do wear a fanny pack. i love to take walks on the beach and fly my kite on a windy day. i enjoy cooking shows and drinking coffee and hope to write my own cookbook oneday and i enjoy watching oprah and eating bon bons. i dont have but a few friends but my closest friend jerry says i look like one of the back street boys....but i dont think i do. i enjoy painting and making pottery and weaving indian blankets for the elderly ladies at the local rest home
when i vist i take them cookies and s that i have baked for them. as for fashion im always wearing the latest trends...like today i wore cut-off blue-jean shorts with a button down shirt and a pair of velco shoes from wal-mart along with my blinging rope chain. i use to do hair for a living but i give that up....but every now and then i still get a call from grandma to give her a perm and i just cant say no to her.
