Arnie - ProfilesArchive

About Me

Hi, I'm a giant toothless anteater, originally from Brazil. I have the usual interests that you might expect. I'm the vice president of the AAAAA (The American Association of Anteaters and Aardvarks), Treasurer of The Church of Anteaterism (if you're interested in converting, just drop me a line), Cellist for The Anteater String Quartet, Town Clerk of Sixes, Oregon, and an ordained minister (I officiate at weddings, baptisms, funerals and bar mitzvahs).
I am also a writer, and I adapt screenplays and act in performances of these great insectivore transcriptions. My first screenplay was "Crouching Anteater, Hidden Aardvark." I then tried a musical with "Ants on the Roof," the story of poor Jewish anteaters in czarist Russia. Other works include "How Red Were My Ants" (The story of anteater miners in Wales) and "Ants Falling on Cedars," the story of Japanese anteaters set during World War II.
I'm currently hard at work on my latest project, entitled "Brokeback Anthill," the touching story of two gay anteater cowboys in the 1960s. I write other stuff as well, but I hate tooting my own horn, so I'll stop right there. Sheesh! I'm busy!
Update: The adaptation of "Brokeback Anthill" has been completed and auditions begin as soon as possible. So, if you know any gay anteaters, we would like you to encourage them to audition. There's nothing like typecasting, IMHO. Please contact your local chapter of the AAAAA and we'll be in touch shortly.

My Interests

I like classical and rock music (it's kinda tough to wrap my claws around a guitar neck, but I try my best), hunting for anthills, reading, hiking, watching movies, and blow-drying my gorgeous fluffy tail (no, I'm not vain, so don't ask).

I'd like to meet:

Antie Em, Ant Jamima, Bugsy Siegel and Bugs Bunny, among many others. I would also like to meet with all of my former classmates from IU (Insectivore University). For some strange reason, that fine institution of higher education isn't included on the My Space list of schools. It's not easy being gray.

Music:

The Beetles, Mozart, Schubert, The Animals

Movies:

Antz, A Bug's Life, Horse Feathers (yeah, I know, it's the wrong species, but a guy needs a LITTLE variety.)

Television:

I'm usually too busy to watch much TV, but I do like to watch music, sports, Looney Tunes and Animal Planet occasionally.

Books:

Ants I Have Known, An Insectivore's Guide To Oregon, JRR Tolkien's Lord of The Rings (I particularly like the part of the book in which Tolkien says that "The orcs spewed forth like ants." YUM!)

Heroes:

TOTA (The One True Ant--see the reference to The Church of Anteaterism above).

My Blog

Burrowing for Dollars

Hi everyone. Sorry that I haven't posted an entry for a while. It's amazing how fast the summer has gone. I've been extraordinarily busy with several projects. I'm sure you'll all be pleased to know t...
Posted by Arnie on Sat, 26 Aug 2006 09:51:00 PST

The Mystery of Human Restrooms

Occasionally, I will venture out (either with my parents or on a date) to a local restaurant. Based on the looks I sometimes get from the staff and fellow patrons, one would think that these people ha...
Posted by Arnie on Thu, 29 Jun 2006 10:16:00 PST

Is It Hot Enough For You?

There are many advantages to owning a fur coat as chic and stylish as mine. It keeps me comfortable on even the coldest days. However, when the mercury climbs above 100 degrees, this blasted fur coat ...
Posted by Arnie on Mon, 26 Jun 2006 01:02:00 PST

How Can I Wax Philosophical When I'm Out of Candles?

Have you ever noticed how two terms are sometimes used together when they have absolutely nothing to do with each other? For instance, waxing and philosophy should have absolutely NOTHING to do with e...
Posted by Arnie on Thu, 22 Jun 2006 12:59:00 PST

Ancient Chinese Art

My dad went to the acupuncturist yesterday, and that started me down the road to this blog entry. There aren't any anteaters in China. At least, not any more. However, I have it on good authority that...
Posted by Arnie on Wed, 21 Jun 2006 12:31:00 PST

Tasty Foreign Ants

I have had the good fortune to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new ants and new civilizations, and to boldly go where no anteater has gone before. Beginning with my earliest insectivorhoo...
Posted by Arnie on Tue, 20 Jun 2006 12:32:00 PST

Interspecies Dating

The time has come to discuss what I believe will be the new trend in interpersonal relationships--interspecies dating. For example, if I happen to see a foxy human chick (now how's that for a mixed me...
Posted by Arnie on Mon, 19 Jun 2006 01:12:00 PST

Home Repairs a la Mode

One of the really cool things about living in a burrow is that home repairs are so easy. I don't need to worry about changing furnace filters, smoke alarms, mowing the lawn, vacuuming the carpets and ...
Posted by Arnie on Fri, 16 Jun 2006 03:21:00 PST

My world, and welcome to it

Thursday, June 15, 2006A brief primer!Current mood: hungryWho is the REAL Arnold A. Aardvak? Well, here ya go:THE BASICSName - Arnie Age - 21 (in human years) Month of birth - September Any Siblings? ...
Posted by Arnie on Fri, 16 Jun 2006 09:17:00 PST

Sporlin' Life

Hi youse all. For some reason, I'm feeling very sporty today. That got me to thinking about all of the insectivore-held world records. I wonder if anyone knows what the fastest time is for the 10-yard...
Posted by Arnie on Thu, 15 Jun 2006 11:11:00 PST