Dishpig

Legend has it that Dishpig was born of humble origins, to a breeding pair of psychologically bruised foxes. They are thought to have inhabited a tastefully converted hen barn, set amidst romantic looking heaps of knock off laminate flooring and a scattering of iron filings, sometime in the centre of the century before last.Dishpig first came to prominence at a local primary school. Here, he revealed a hitherto unappreciated talent for cabbage hurling, winning numerous brassica based gymkana at both local and national level. Throughout a career spanning 6 decades, international success was, alas, to elude him; a failure that still bites at his shins to this day.At one and the same time, it is thought that he was an occasional body double for one Arthur Scargill, leader of a popular miner's union some 100 years into the future. Though neither man acknowledges nor denies it, scratchy images from a well maintained though slightly dented camera obscura seem to tell a basic and somewhat maudlin truth. It is also known that he frequently refers to himself in the third person, and that he has sudden urges to unctuousness. Little more is known at the current time.Who is this interstatial man of mystery? Interviewed beneath a local newsagents, he would only fart, wink and doff his titfer in a mildly contemptuous manner. Questions were asked, the truth was NOT revealed.Who cares anyway? For as long as oats and beans and barley grow, we'll never be short of a listless hedgehog.Here's to it!Hector W. Ptarmigan III. Self Publicist. Porton Down. Wilts.

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