Scott

I am a very dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations during lunch, making them more efficient in heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees. They seem to appreciate that. I write award winning operas and manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for 3 days in a row. But just for fun.I woo women with my lucious ass. I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with amazing speed and I cook Minute Rice in only 30 seconds. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran of love, and an outlaw in Peru.I once single handedly defended a small village in the Amazon basin from hordes of ferocious army ants with a glass of water and a stick! I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Braves. I am the subject of an award winning documentary. When I am bored, I build small nuclear reactors in my yard. On Wednesdays, I repair small electrical appliances free of charge.I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I dont't ever sweat. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend pass. I bat a solid .400. Children trust me.I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish my living room that evening. I know the exact location of all items in the grocery store. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA I sleep once a week: when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. The laws of physics don't apply to me. I balance, I weave, I dodge I frolic and my bills are paid. I make lots of money. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full contact origami. Years ago, I discovered the meaning of life but I forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a toaster oven. I breed prize winning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees in local grade schools. I have performed open heart surgery and most importantly, I have spoken to Elvis!
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TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name: Scott
Birthday: 2/28/1971
Birthplace: SLC, UT
Current Location: Atlanta, GA
Eye Color: Green
Hair Color: Sandy... Going Grey...
Height: 6'3
Right Handed or Left Handed: R
Your Heritage: I'm a mix
The Shoes You Wore Today: were black. That's about all I know.
Your Weakness: Strippers (I always fall in love and they smell so good!)
Your Fears: Extinction of strippers. Oh... and midgets. They still scare me.
Your Perfect Pizza: Just hot and in under 45 minutes please!
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Finish with my income around the Mendoza line!
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: Quit stalking me!
Thoughts First Waking Up: How does my pillow always end up there!
Your Best Physical Feature: My well sculpted guns and killer soul patch!
Your Bedtime: 9:30 or shortly after beer #1 and a little something something.
Your Most Missed Memory: I dumped a chunk. That's all I remember.
Pepsi or Coke: Neither but Pepsi if I have to drink it.
MacDonalds or Burger King: PUH LEESE! Nasty! I'll kill you for a plate of Nachos after a fat spliff!
Single or Group Dates: Just one thank you.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: I took the plunge!
Chocolate or Vanilla: Chanilla. It's new. You should try it sometime.
Cappuccino or Coffee: GIVE ME THE BEAN JUICE!!!!
Do you Smoke: When I run fast. It's the shoes
Do you Swear: Like a fuckin sailor
Do you Sing: I'm pretty much the best ever!
Do you Shower Daily: It's quite pungent! A formidable scent!
Have you Been in Love: Sure.
Do you want to go to College: Not going back. Didn't like it the first time.
Do you want to get Married: Not so sure anymore!
Do you belive in yourself: I believe in a hard breaking curve ball!
Do you get Motion Sickness: Only when I move
Do you think you are Attractive: I'm a sexy bitch!
Are you a Health Freak: Unfortunately.
Do you get along with your Parents: When they behave!
Do you like Thunderstorms: Shit yeah!
Do you play an Instrument: Guitar and Piano.
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: daily
In the past month have you Smoked: no
In the past month have you been on Drugs: no
In the past month have you gone on a Date: no
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: I guess so
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: Nasty
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: Even Nastier
In the past month have you been on Stage: I'm always in my own show!
In the past month have you been Dumped: no.
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: no... but fatty dipping is awesome!
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: not that can be proven
Ever been Drunk: uh huh
Ever been called a Tease: yes
Ever been Beaten up: never. but I've given out some sweet round houses! BAM
Ever Shoplifted: yes....
How do you want to Die: having sweet relations with Salma Hayek. That's right!
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: Here's to us kids with a little adult in us!
What country would you most like to Visit: Iran and Syria.... Strapped with a can of whip ass!
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: Brown
Favourite Hair Color: Brown
Short or Long Hair: long
Height: over 5'
Weight: athletic... healthy
Best Clothing Style: Clothing always optional
Number of Drugs I have taken: Lots
Number of CDs I own: 1,000+ . I love music CREATE YOUR OWN! - or -
Number of Piercings: none currently
Number of Tattoos: 1
Number of things in my Past I Regret: NONE!
GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!Mitch Hedberg - Thirteen

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