tommy schitt

born in 1957 Thomas von schitt grew up with only the ostriches in his parents back garden to call his family. this "ferrel" child assumed he was an ostrich for 18 years, unable to talk like a regular human being he would let out loud screaching sounds to comunicate and if approached by people would attack with fuious head butts. in early 1975 the rspca and london maudsley said enough is enough and came to an agreement where they would both try to rehabilitate him into hormal society or failing that put him down,unfortunatly the doctor thomas was assigned to had other ideas. over the following months doctor donald king spent his days teaching thomas to speak and behave as a human and his nights entering him in the lucrative underground sport of head-butt fighting, but as thomas learnt human emotion he started to understand right from wrong and realised he was getting ripped of by the doctor and on christmass day 1979 he had his first solo match under the name of "tommy schitt" against the welter-nut champion of the world "matthew kelly".he won the match in the 2nd round with an unbelievable corkscrew flying head-butt and spent litralley seconds basking in the glory. unbeknowing to him at the time but the doctor and his hench men were waiting outside and were planning on giving tommy a good clout. when he was leaving the arena he noticed one of the hench men lurking in the shaddows, realising what was about to happen he had no choice but to use a special trick his wizard frend "david blane" had taught him. running backwards he grabbed the dial of his pop swatch and twisted it forwards as fast as he could thus confusing the earths tectonik plates and blasting him forwards in time to the year 2004, with no money,friends and obvious social problems he did the only thing he saw fit and started a half arsed rock"n"roll band with other like minded degenerates thet he had met earlier that day in a local wimpey. unable to use his real name due to political reasons he went under the identity of moses fandango a latin american drug fuelled mess and spent 2 years with band mates "saints of insanity" getting banned from low rate venues and performing acts that not even an animal would contemplate. during the famous disappearance of the band in 2006 he spent his time lurking in parks and alleys where he was reunited with his old head butt sparring partner stevie"bollock"chops they spent the following months trying to rekindle their glory days of head butt fighting but due to the potentcy of todays sport enhancing drugs they didnt stand a chance and were forced to retire due to tommys fractured ear lobes and stevies colleyflower nostril. realising they were getting too old for professional head bull fighting tommy convinced bollock chops it would be a good idea to start a band to relieve the sexual tension and as quick as a puma 6 months passed and they decided to get off their arses and do it and 6 months later "tommy schitt and the punishment fuckers" were born......... the rest of the story is yet to be told, but im shure of one thing.....it probably wont be that good. m name="allowScriptAccess" value="never" /