Harv

I am the weirdest person you will ever meet.
Seriously. You might think you know strange people. You might even think you're a strange person yourself. I'm stranger. My mind works in odd ways. Not in a scary "chase people around with a razor sharp thimble" kind of way. In the kind of way that sometimes leads me to wonder what would happen if gravity suddenly failed and there wasn't any krazy glue around to hold things down with. Leads me to try picturing what a cross between an aardvark and a microwave oven would look like. Or, for that matter, if my aardcrowave oven would do a better job with popcorn. I'm just not normal, and I like it that way.
I don't do drugs. Not because I'm opposed to them, nor because I fear addiction. Rather, it's because I don't currently have any. I don't think linearly. I can turn literally any statement made at any time into a sexual innuendo. I am the master of the quick one-liner. I mean that in a joking sense, not a drug thing. I enjoy kidding around, because there's enough shit in life that we have to take seriously. No point doing that when we aren't paying the bills or being chased by a rabid ocelot.
I am very idealistic. I love irony. I have some very strong beliefs which I will gladly expound upon should you ask, but I generally keep them to myself because I hate people who try to force their beliefs on others. I spent seven years in the army defending your right to say it's stupid to spend seven years in the army. I love finding contradictions in people, but I hate hypocrits. I live for music, and my favorite songs are invariably either ones with deep, meaningful lyrics, or ones with insane, funny lyrics. And also ones with few or no lyrics that just sound good. I like meeting new people, but I'm something of a loner in my personal life. I get along with pretty much everyone I meet, yet there are few people in this world that I would call "friends" in the traditional sense of the word. I love writing, but I do it rarely. And when I do, I tend to write too much.
I honestly believe that I am one of, if not the, coolest, smartest, and funniest people alive. I believe that I can do anything if I just set my mind to it, but thus far this has not worked with any playboy playmates. I like doing & saying little things to let people know that I'm thinking of them or that I just care, which often gets mistaken for stalking or obsessive behavior. I enjoy stalking & obsessing over people, which never gets mistaken for just doing little things to let them know I care. On some levels, I enjoy cuddling more than sex. I love my cat, but I am heterosexual. I don't dress well enough to be gay, and besides, I've never been much of a Madonna fan.
When I was a young boy, I was hit on the head by two telephone poles. I'm single, and I have never been married. I once had a woman dump a movie star to date me. I am convinced that I have solved the mystery surrounding the creation of the universe. I eat one meal a day on average. Given five minutes of study time, I can sound like an expert in any field. I believe that there is life on other planets, but that this life has better things to do than buzz cornfields and probe drunk hillbillies. I think that everything is funnier if said with a British accent. I will be 16 years old in my mind until the day I die. I don't believe in ghosts, but if I'm wrong, I plan to haunt the playboy mansion upon my demise. I like science fiction, but I am neither a trekkie nor a star wars geek. I am done now.
TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name: Harv...I mean, Dave. I'm all confused!!!
Birthday: 8/11/72
Birthplace: Frankfurt, Germany
Current Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Eye Color: Blue/green
Hair Color: Brown
Height: 5'11"
Right Handed or Left Handed: Mostly right
Your Heritage: Ummmm...earth?
The Shoes You Wore Today: Haven't worn any yet
Your Weakness: I am susceptible to gunfire
Your Fears: Butterflies, otters, caterpillars, and axe-wielding madmen
Your Perfect Pizza: Free
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: World peace. If that doesn't work out, pay off my car.
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: :D
Thoughts First Waking Up: Why am I not sleeping?
Your Best Physical Feature: My left big toe. Really, it's spectacular.
Your Bedtime: Generally, when I can no longer hold my eyes open.
Your Most Missed Memory: If I missed it, how on earth should I remember it??
Pepsi or Coke: Coke
MacDonalds or Burger King: Checkers
Single or Group Dates: Single
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Mountain Dew
Chocolate or Vanilla: Vanilla
Cappuccino or Coffee: Mountain Dew
Do you Smoke: Yes
Do you Swear: Fuck no
Do you Sing: Horribly, and often.
Do you Shower Daily: Most of the time.
Have you Been in Love: I've thought I was.
Do you want to go to College: Not anymore.
Do you want to get Married: Sure, why not? I've never been proposed to by a survey before!
Do you belive in yourself: Yes, and leprechauns.
Do you get Motion Sickness: Strangely, I get Stillness Sickness.
Do you think you are Attractive: To certain people, yes. To those who are not vision-impaired, probably not.
Are you a Health Freak: I work out at least once per decade.
Do you get along with your Parents: Most of the time.
Do you like Thunderstorms: Only when I'm indoors.
Do you play an Instrument: Does a cd player count as an instrument?
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: Yes.
In the past month have you Smoked: Yes.
In the past month have you been on Drugs: Yes.
In the past month have you gone on a Date: Oh my god, no!!!! My life is pathetic and sad!!!
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: No. Okay, I feel better now. :)
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: Don't they come in pouch-like bags?
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: Hells no.
In the past month have you been on Stage: No.
In the past month have you been Dumped: No.
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: No.
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: No.
Ever been Drunk: Only innebriated.
Ever been called a Tease: Daily.
Ever been Beaten up: Yes.
Ever Shoplifted: No.
How do you want to Die: Never.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: Taller.
What country would you most like to Visit: Egypt.
Number of Drugs I have taken: Does this include cold medication?
Number of CDs I own: 300-ish.
Number of Piercings: None that I wasn't born with.
Number of Tattoos: Zero.
Number of things in my Past I Regret: One.