By Shander Ramos
Hello, my name is Shander Ramos.
S is for silent, a bad habit that I am trying to conquer.
H is for humbler, because the past has shrunken my pride.
A is for arrogant, something the past still has not been able to diminish.
N is for nostalgic, because I am too familiar with making mistakes.
D is for delirious, since sometimes the things I do can only be understood as bouts of fury between reality and frenzy.
E is for empathetic, which is one of my few traits that can and has caused my downfalls.
R is for resistant, since I cannot ever fully dive into something without doing a double take.
R is for renounced, sometimes it is just easier for me to simply give up.
A is for ambient, if you are wondering then I am probably not listening to you. So excuse me and good bye.
M is for malevolent, something I secretly aspire to be.
O is for ostentatious, little or big white to multicolored lies don’t always hurt people.
S is for special, which is something I am sure I can be. I just need to discover all the other words inscribed in the letters of me.
A South Park Shander. Well, sort of!!Table
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CursorMe, well sort of, in my favorite place to be. The movie theater!
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Here's the live Linkin Park performance of "Bleed it out" on SNL. Enjoy!FireDividerMy Name is Shander!NicaraguenseDividerMy name is Shander Massiel Ramos Luna Reyes de Santana. Just like my name, I’m a very complicated person with even more complicated thoughts and emotions. I have recently gone through an epiphany, so to speak. I skipped the normal time in a child’s life where she becomes rebellious and does whatever tickles her fancy. I recently went through that “stage†at an elderly age of 21. I did what I wanted and I can say that I got it all out of my system. In the end doing what the fuck I wanted was a set back for me. I won’t say that I didn’t enjoy nights of debauchery and naughtiness, but I shouldn’t have taken it as far as I did. I wasted time and lost focus. I forgot what my goals were and now I have to start again from scratch to rebuild what I have broken. Beside losing my focus by partying and acting “young†my attitude completely changed. I was no longer the same very innocent and conscientious person that I had been all my life. In a matter of a year or so I morphed into someone extremely selfish and extremely cruel. I am now repairing the weakened ties between my family and I. I managed to hurt the only people that have been here for me, my mother and father. I will admit that they are truly the only that I can and should completely trust, because they truly mean me no harm. I have learned that outside people and even my own sister can and have hurt me. Getting my heart broken and being backstabbed by someone that should have been there for me has humbled me greatly. I now realize that although I am now 21, I still have so much to learn about being an adult. I plan on learning all this in a respectable manner. This doesn’t mean that I can’t hang out with my friends and cut loose once in a while, but this shouldn’t consume my time. Part of growing up is admitting that you have been wrong and then doing all you can to be right. I am rewriting my “About me page†because the time in which I wrote it I was completely consumed in my own instant gratifications. I know better now. Some things I will keep though, because even though I am again morphing into someone that I think is better, the “stupid†me is still part of me and she helped me learn and grow.TasteA coworker of mine says that my name means conviction in tongues. An oddly unbefitting name for someone who lacks much conviction. I am an avid perfectionist, someone who thinks she is always right even when overwhelming evidence proves otherwise. This characteristic has helped my succeed much, because I try hard to prove that I am worthy and that I can be better than everyone else. I am Hispanic, a Nicaraguan spic, a refugee and a colored person. My relationship with my heritage is a love-hate agreement. I love that my background is unique, colorful and filled with spice. But, I hate the stereotypical way spics are represented especially in America. My main goal in life is to completely decimate that stereotype, well at least in my life. I refuse to work as a cleaner, janitor, maid, fast food worker, landscaper or a clerk of any dirty job that is always tagged onto a spic. I refuse to have four or five children before I turn 23. I refuse to be an uneducated woman beaten by too much work, births and machismo men. I refuse to give into the typical stereotype of what an American spic is. But, I will revel in the Spanish language with its easy spelling and writing. I love the way the words purr as they escape my lips. I Know my language is beautiful, just as my people can be. I can certainly be arrogant, selfish, spiteful, sinister, cynical, overbearing and childish at times. One of the most important things for me is to keep my pride intact. I’d sometimes rather suffer than ask for help. I hate vulnerability and weakness. I hate hypocrites and liars even though I can do all that at times. But, I am recently learning that there is nothing wrong with a little weakness, in fact showing weakness is what strengthens our humanity. It makes us people. . Falling in love with the wrong man and forming friendships with different men has taught me that no one can and should be completely trusted. I can easily be one of the boys, but find it difficult to be one of the girls. Being a girl for 21 years reminds me how malevolent women can be. I usually fall in love easily and just as easily fall out of love, but my last encounter with love has proved to be quite different. Divider I have moved on from this experience and from him. I won’t lie and say that I didn’t enjoy our moments, but those moments and nothing more than memories that will fade, but of course never disappear. I thank him for letting me experience love again, but I won’t dwell on the past. Doing that only hinders my growth.I aspire to one day be a journalist for a political or music magazine or newspaper. But, more than anything in the world I am an I am a writer, a painter, a sketcher, a lyricist, a poet, a thinker, a creative essence bent on bringing imagination and soul to an otherwise cold world.I know I write too much, but that is what I do. The written language entices me, it makes my skin crawl and my ears burn. I get goose bumps all over my body when I see a new book or get an inspiration for a new story. I communicate best through writing. I can easily and best organize my thoughts through the written word. Anyone can talk, but only few can write and successfully get the same effect. Despite my overbearing pride and stubbornness, I can really be a good friend. I have a few select friends whose names I will someday brand on my body in the form of a tattoo to remind me of how they have affected my life. The friends included in my tattoo will be Paula Spencer (my black soul twin), Laura Zahorbenski (my everlasting friend), Dan Castillo (my new friend, but one whom I've grown dependent on to raise my spirits when I'm down), Melissa Teco (my first best friend and reminder of my youth and innocence), Dmitriy Maister (a friend that has taught me a lot about myself and also taught me feelings that I forgot I felt, or was too afraid to feel). My family will also be included, Mi Mama and Mi Papa, my older sister Elsy, my younger sister Sandy and my baby brother Raymond. I will of course, include my savior and creator God. For a real friend, I can and will do anything for him or her. I love little, but when I do love I really do it wholeheartedly. I smoke Newports, the menthol cigarette, I drink hard liquor like Vodka and Rum. I occasionally intoxicate myself with certain herbs to help me sleep better. I drink very strong coffee and caffeine in the form of soda is no stranger tom me. I curse too fucking much and I constantly frown at people. I sometimes lie to get my way and I am a notorious gossip.gives me crazy orgasms. The harsher the percussions, the faster the guitar playing, the more melancholy the lyrics, the more I love it. I wear black everyday and neutrals completely engulf my closet and drawers. I love Converse sneakers and skater shoes, despite my lack of coordination on anything but solid ground. People that don’t know me judge me as weird, people that know me judge me as extremely weird. I prefer the word instead., bipolar at times, intelligent, sensitive, jaded, stupid, nosey, lazy, hardworking, outdated, set in my ways, controlling, cautious, clever, forgetful, demanding and so much more. In a nutshell this is who I am. My name is Shander.Background
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