Hannah profile picture

Hannah

.i'm not vain or self-obsessed or arrogant. I'm just very very good.

About Me

Hello there, I'm Hannah.
I'm a freak, a geek, i'm funny and i'm weird but i'm lovely.

I have a pretty wide ranged stand up performance where i talk about japanese toilets, falling in love on waltzers and compare boobs to beards which is very unusual but true and ofcourse funny.

Yes i have big boobs, but your not going to see them so don't even ask
We Humans are weird.

I haven't got bundles of friends but the friends i have got i treasure!

I am a creative person, my soul is what i write and what i write is about my soul. I am a true born natural writer with talent and i hope to achieve something some day, i am a creator, a master, a destroyer and a dictator but always with my work, i have passion and it'll never leave me, i have intelligence with creativity and need challenges to work at it. So make my day punk give me a challenge! Seriously challenge me!!!!!

My Interests

My interests are...Being funny, or atleast trying. Handbags, heels and ofcourse boys! My biggest interest is in life itself and how we wander through it, i create from life, from its furies and necessities, i observe and take in each moment as it happens. How interesting.....

I'd like to meet:

Peter Kay! Dawn French! Billy connolly. Dolly Parton! Katie Price! Lenny Henry. Jimmy Carr. Stephen Fry! Fern Britton! Oscar Wilde. Carol Ann Duffy. Stephen King. Marilyn Monroe! My future self... It goes on...
Also anyone who is genuine, intelligent and has a sense of humour.

Music:


I like most music and I am willing to listen to almost anything but i must say that i love a bit of rock!And a bit of indie, some french opera and anything that takes my fancy really. My favouritest ever song is Roy Orbisons 'Oh, pretty woman' I love it! it's been my fave song since i was a little girl...i'm not one of these people that thinks that their song is about them, certainly not! i know it doesn't describe me in any way but it reminds me of nicer times and my auntie May, i love her!

Television:

Any comedy! Soaps, interesting documentaries, shows that can teach me.

Books:

At the moment i'm trying to read Great Gatsby, Emma and oscar wildes the picture of Dorian Gray.

Heroes:

My hero or should i say heroin is definitely my mum she has done so much for me i cannot thank her enough! Also Dawn French she is so darn funny and sexy and getting on top for all us girls that do comedy!
Give me some love! Hannah you are so funny because...

You know you want to...

My Blog

He gave me his socks

What does such a gesture mean? For a male friend to give me his socks, i mean has the giving of socks from his feet replaced the old traditional value of chocolates and flowers, or maybe even replaced...
Posted by Hannah on Mon, 20 Oct 2008 08:16:00 PST

Cuddle My Cock

By Hannah Schofield And Eleanor Gray aka HotlipsHannah and Ellemenopeenis.   Quote from American Pie-''Suck me beautiful'' Once thought of as the worst chat up line in history, but now my friends...
Posted by Hannah on Sat, 27 Sep 2008 11:37:00 PST

Hands

Hands Opening the door i squinted my eyes waiting for a shock. The only things i saw two chunky blocks resting on the palm of each other. A waxy yellow skin colour. A grooved pattern of hair. A chain ...
Posted by Hannah on Mon, 21 Jan 2008 07:26:00 PST

Five minutes of my life

Five miutes of my life.Well to me five minutes usually pass me so quickly i don't recognise that time has captured me on its crest and swiftly shot me beyond the shore towards another land of unknown ...
Posted by Hannah on Mon, 03 Dec 2007 04:00:00 PST

Homework for Marilyn

He walked past me as the breeze hit my face, the wind travelled with his scent, a musty stay in bed smell. He slumped with a stuttered strut. wearing his sunday doss clothes. A brown and black white h...
Posted by Hannah on Sun, 25 Nov 2007 12:51:00 PST

My autobiography - a part of it

Creative writing essay my autobiography. 25th September 2007. Just remember it is a piece of creative writing although based on a part of my life it is still the piece i want to be read, the fact that...
Posted by Hannah on Sat, 24 Nov 2007 03:38:00 PST

Structure of love

Structure of love Fingertips ripple over skin; Senses heighten leaving you wondering. One touch simply magnifies a smile.   Beads of sweat; Drip and connect. Bodies infuse into one; When the ...
Posted by Hannah on Sat, 24 Nov 2007 03:21:00 PST

11 o’clock on platform 3 - the voyager my knight

11 o'clock on platform 3 The Voyager my knight Waiting for the voyager of the night, Waiting watching the floor feeling the fright. The looming darkness of the sky, Pitches a dark sheet over my ey...
Posted by Hannah on Sat, 24 Nov 2007 03:03:00 PST

A dream lost because of a dream shared

A poem recently inspired by imagination and a friend. A dream lost because of a dream shared.Part I The girl in satinThe girl in satin danced with the partner of her dreams in the empty music hall. Us...
Posted by Hannah on Sat, 24 Nov 2007 02:54:00 PST

My novel

A novel i created to amuse, bestow, arouse, and fantasize. read review and share. A web of Roses. By Hannah Schofield copyright Chapter one Rose awoke to a violent ringing intruding her ears, her mi...
Posted by Hannah on Fri, 09 Nov 2007 08:59:00 PST