Melissah[fkn]Monsterr

-->1992;unable to speak,
I'm strung to illusions gazing over the ceiling
& teddy bears suffocating an ever-long happiness;
completion never lasted a lifetime.
--->1993;unable to break,
my hands are small,
but I clamped beauty between the openings of my fingers;
that way, though not visible to the naked eye,
I was able to breathe more steadily this way.
--->1994; unable to comprehend,
mesmerized by hysterics and occupied by doodling
the most perfectly round circles on a tattered
notebook cover; I was found indifferent,
But I thought I was just like everybody else.
--->1995; unable to worry,
arguments knocked over the pitcher of Disney enchantments
all over my bedroon floor,
But I didn't know any better,
I didn't realize how much a single vowel,
a single pronunciation of an impudent word
could break a heart in the snap of a finger.
--->1996;unable to frown,
hide-and-seek measured tablespoons of enticement
and corrupted the levels of child-like intensities.
I grinned at the possibility of tomorrow,
and sang myself to sleep with a lullaby.
--->1997;unable to know better,
I twirled my hair and danced in front of
the lens of the camera. Belting out a familiar
Celine Dion Ballad, the words swayed from
my throat, but I was too young to understand what they meant.
--->1998;unable to add proportions,
I held on loosely, but never let go.
I learned to use calculators and my fingers to count numbers,
but I never thought I'd have to count the days
until I feel so nonchalant anymore.
--->1999;unable to cry,
good intentions to pretend, but always too little
too late to put shattered pieces of hope
back together with Elmer's glue.
Hello, reality.
--->2000;unable to obsess,
cornered between a 'crush' and a 'first kiss.'
Love was just a word used by adults,
but I became fond of it.
--->2001;unable to connect,
I dreamed of my future, and longed for the past.
I was left with a former note of goodbyes and a sheet
of music to enable sincerity. It wasn't enough to feel whole.
--->2002;unable to portray,
art, the only thing I was good at.
I couldn't multiply correctly or recognize the difference between a synonym and a metaphor,
so I painted sunsets to keep myself from falling apart so young.
--->2003;unable to feel,
I didn't understand movies and the point of ending up
battered and confused. But then he stumbled into my existence
and shot me a glimpse of heartache.
--->2004;unable to confront,
too weak to give in, I allowed him to put my
heart under arrest and take full control of my innocence.
He broke me countless times,
but I was told it was only normal.
--->2005;unable to say goodbye,
enough is enough, and I finally reached my level
of emotional baggage.
I've never been taught so many excuses
heard so many apologies
from someone who believes his own lies. Goodbye,darling,
thank you for the memories.
--->2006;unable to let go,
haunted by memories and controlled by doubt,
I became resistant to love.
I didn't want it anymore.
--->2007;unable to give up,
bliss straddled underneath my bones, I was brightened
by a new posibility of infatuation;
he was my distraction, even if it only lasted a few
months. He was my everything.
--->2008;unable to breath,
I might've fallen harder than I've ever fallen withing the
sixteen years of my life, only to realize I was begging
for false pretenses from someone who couldn't give me forever.
--->2009;able to move on,
Hello to a new year, and goodbye to the
what-could-have-beens.
I am only a seventeen year old girl lost in a big world
trying to find herself;
just like everybody else.
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