I'd like to meet:
The advertising guru who wrote this:
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I *heart* you.
I'm glorious. And you want to read about me...
TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name: Derby.
Birthday: November 11th.
Birthplace: Well, I was found in the parking lot of a strip club when I was a wee pup.
Current Location: My Living Room.
Eye Color: Brown.
Hair Color: White with black spots.
Height: 3'2".
Right Handed or Left Handed: Generally, I shake with my right paw but I jerk off with my left.
Your Heritage: Pacific Islander.
The Shoes You Wore Today: Two gorgeous pairs of Manolo Blahnik pumps in contrasting colors.
Your Weakness: Manolo Blahnik pumps. And chicken bones from the garbage.
Your Fears: Rain. The cat. Never achieving my dream of becoming an international pop star.
Your Perfect Pizza: ...is on top of another pizza.
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: I want to lose three pounds.
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: "Sod Off, Whoremonger." It may take awhile to type but it really is appropriate for a multitude of occassions.
Thoughts First Waking Up: Shall I pee on the hard wood or the carpet this morning?
Your Best Physical Feature: My glorious breasts.
Your Bedtime: Whenever the alcohol kicks in.
Your Most Missed Memory: The parking lot of that strip club....
Pepsi or Coke: Beer.
MacDonalds or Burger King: Taco Bell.
Single or Group Dates: I don't date. I just sneak up behind them and blow their minds.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Diet Snapple.
Chocolate or Vanilla: I don't do chocolate.
Cappuccino or Coffee: Soy lattes. Cappuccinos bloat me.
Do you Smoke: No. But I'm smokin' hot.
Do you Swear: I swear that George Michael is the best thing to come out of England since the American colonies.
Do you Sing: I've been known to sing along to Sade albums every now and again.
Do you Shower Daily: No. That's why God invented Aramis Pour Homme.
Have you Been in Love: With myself.
Do you want to go to College: Graduation robes are sooo unflattering.
Do you want to get Married: It's hard to get married when you're married to your career.
Do you belive in yourself: Myself and the Tooth Fairy.
Do you get Motion Sickness: Only in limos.
Do you think you are Attractive: My mirror over my bed might indicate that I do.
Are you a Health Freak: Health freak, no. Super freak, yes.
Do you get along with your Parents: I get along with your mom.
Do you like Thunderstorms: Not when I need to take a piss during one.
Do you play an Instrument: I play with people's emotions.
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: Why? What did my sponsor tell you?
In the past month have you Smoked: Just crack and hash.
In the past month have you been on Drugs: Do birth control pills count?
In the past month have you gone on a Date: Well, I thought that evening appointment with the doctor was, but the bastard just shoved a thermometer up my ass without even buying me a drink first!
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: Malls are for amateurs. I go thrift and boutique.
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: Cheesecake is my weapon of choice, thank you very much.
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: I found and consumed a raw minnow from the pond at the park, does that count? F.Y.I., they're deceivingly filling.
In the past month have you been on Stage: Life's a stage. We're all playing some sort of "role," aren't we?
In the past month have you been Dumped: I've taken a dump.
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: I bathe naked on my front lawn.
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: The hearts of men and boys everywhere!
Ever been Drunk: Ever been sober?
Ever been called a Tease: Nope. I'm pretty much a sure thing.
Ever been Beaten up: Only emotionally.
Ever Shoplifted: I steal hummus sandwhiches off the table all the time.
How do you want to Die: While having sex. Then, I would like to be cryogenically frozen.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: I fluctuate between neurosurgeon and male stripper.
What country would you most like to Visit: Texas. Oh, whoops, nevermind. Who wants to go to Texas?
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: Anything but red.
Favourite Hair Color: Red.
Short or Long Hair: Well coiffed.
Height: Pomeranians and up.
Weight: It's what's on the inside that counts. As long as that inside is underneith a six pack.
Best Clothing Style: I love many fashion asthetics. But, there's nothing quite like no clothing at all...
Number of Drugs I have taken: Not sure. The opium makes me forgetful.
Number of CDs I own: Anyone who's anyone listens to their music on vinyl. Or at least that's what the pseudo-intellectual hipsters tell me.
Number of Piercings: Yuck. Piercings are for pseudo-intellectual hipsters.
Number of Tattoos: One tattoo of the "Sex In The City" cast on my left butt cheek.
Number of things in my Past I Regret: One tattoo of the "Sex In The City" cast on my left butt cheek.
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!
