Mao

A Ferocious Feline of the Purest Evil // I was orphaned. I wandered the streets of the French Quarter and Marigny, like a little lost kitten (heh). I was cold and hungry, and I had just fought a great battle with a fearsome dragon of unfathomable size and strength, and as I dodged his fire and claws, I knew I might not survive. // Miraculously, I escaped with just a bit of my tail nipped off, and found myself near Siam Cafe on Esplanade. There, across the street, was a couple who had just dined. And I walked across the street right up to them, delirious and freezing in the drizzle. The girl bent down to pet me, and then began to walk away with the man. But I would not let her leave me! No! I followed them, and then found a way to curl up on the top of her foot. She looked at the man with smitten eyes, for me or him I'll never be sure. Then she swept me up and they drove me to my new home. // The next morning, I was stabbed with shots at Animal Mike's and officially adopted by the girl Rhiannon and the man Robert Starnes. I lived happily in her apartment in the Quarter, wreaking havoc on the other household feline (Epee, someone else's cat, who was just couch-surfing, to be honest). The following year, Mom left. I don't know why. I'm not sure what happened, really. One week I'm living blissfully in my new home attacking the little red bug-dot that appears whenever Mom sits on the couch and moves her hand casually through the air, and then the next week, Mom is packed and I'm moving in with Dad at his cluttered, cramped office. Mom says something about her needing to leave to see other countries and find herself or something equally cliché, and Dad begins taking care of me from then on. // I entertained myself by chewing his mustache while he slept, climbing the walls and shelves of his residential labyrinth, and exploring the ancient stacks and alcoves of dead robots, chewable cords, and scratchable boxes. Occasionally Mom would call from some other country and talk to me on the phone. Sometimes Dad would take me out for walks on the roof where the greatness of the sky would stagger and astound me. Usually I enjoyed sleeping-in on Dad's legs when he had them up on a desk and was pretending to work. This was my life, and I existed happily in quiet contemplation of how to smother him in his sleep and still have someone feed and pet me daily. // About the time my plan began to solidify on how to kill Robert "Dad" Starnes, Hurricane Katrina arrived and Dad took me away from the city in a car. We traveled for weeks through the south, and ended up in Manhattan. Life was a flurry of new and exciting people and places. // When he left on vacations, I stayed with my Uncle Christopher, or one of Dad's many friends. Before I had a chance to chew his mustache completely off, he flew to Germany and won an award at the World Beard and Mustache Championships. Damn. // Shortly after we moved back to New Orleans, the decision was made that I would be leaving. Mom had finally moved back to the U.S., and she and Dad decided I would live with her in Seattle. In a flurry she was back in my life, only to sweep me up, get me stabbed again at Animal Mike's and take me on a ten hour odyssey of airports, cars and shuttles to the cold and rainy Northwest. // For nearly two years I was captive in that Northwest dungeon. Finally, we returned to New Orleans where I can regather my army and ensure total domination.