Oh so long it has been since I last updated my page! I have good news and bad news. The bad news is, my evil parents took me to the vet and I am now officially nutless. I can't understand it... I mean, I bit them, I peed on things... I thought I was behaving like a very responsible tomcat, but there's just no pleasing them. But! The good news is Pleasuresick, a San Diego band, has written a song about me! Well, ok, maybe it isn't about me in particular, but the song is called Newton the Cat! How cool is that? MEOW!
Sir Isaac Newton, The Feline
Hi, I'm Sir Isaac, but you can call me Newton. My nerdy parents thought it would be cute to name me after a brilliant scientist. Too bad for them that I'm pretty stupid even by cat standards. It doesn't bother me, though. I've got enough looks and personality to compensate for my lack of brains.
My mom works at home so she ALWAYS hogs the computer, and I hardly ever get a chance to update my profile and talk to my friends. But I've finally convinced her that I need to make some changes around here... My page has been saying that I'm 5 months old FOREVER. Well, I'm not a kitten anymore, and I have an important announcement for everyone:
::ahem::
I AM OFFICIALLY A GROWN-UP TOM CAT!!!
Well, I'm almost a year old now. (Never mind the false age at the top of the page.) I am very macho.
Habits and Oddities
Here's an incomplete list of some of the behaviors I've developed or stunts I've pulled in my life thus far:I've gotten into the shower and bath with my mom, got wet, and didn't mind too much. I'm interested in water... I don't like getting dunked, but a little splashed is ok. I've also gotten into the washer, the sink, and the dishwasher, even when they were full of water. Sometimes I like to put my nose in the humidifier and get my face damp. I like going on trips in the car. I hear that other cats don't. Can't imagine why not. I play guitar, and I've been teaching my dad. He's gotten pretty good, although he still insists on using a pick instead of his teeth. Wuss. I have a teddy bear named Einstein. I've nearly chewed his entire face off. I also have a Novell beanie baby that used to be bigger than me, and a stuffed monkey which I attack with great loathing. I hate that stupid monkey. He thinks he's all that, so I keep him in check. When I was little, I used to bark like a dog. (I met a dog when I was very young, and she taught me how.) My parents thought it was the most hilarious and entertaining thing in the whole world, so I had to stop doing it. They were driving me crazy always trying to get me to do it, so I got tired of it. But every great once in awhile, I'll bark unexpectedly just to keep them guessing. The rest of the time I meow my head off because I love the sound of my voice. And who wouldn't? My greatest accomplishment this year was figuring out how to get on top of the fridge. Of course, since I started getting up there, my parents no longer keep my food, treats, and catnip on top of the fridge, which is really annoying. But I still get up there every day just to prove that I can. My second greatest accomplishment this year is figuring out how to open closed doors. The disability-friendly door handles at my folks' place are also cat-friendly. I like to let myself into their bedroom and bathroom when they're least expecting it. Ah, the power of doors! I've finally mastered them!
Freak Out Your Human!
Hey, cats... here's a fun game I discovered... it's called "Freak Out Your Human." Here's how it works: Wait until one of your humans is home alone, preferably within a few days of watching a scary movie. Wait until your human gets engrossed in something. Give them awhile to relax.
Then, dart into the room suddenly and run up close to them like you're looking for protection. Stare over your human's shoulder at a point in space about 4 feet away. Look really nervous and glance at your human occasionally as though looking for reassurance. Then continue to stare at nothing intently while looking very alarmed and anxious. (See pic below for an example of The Look.) If you really want to ham it up, growl quietly under your breath a little.
Guaranteed to Freak Your Human OUT! Works every time, and since they are freaked out, they'll probably want to hold and cuddle you. One of the best tools of manipulation that I've found. Enjoy!
My Parents
My dad is in a band called Fatecage. When I was little, his music was kind of scary to me, but now I'm grown up, I think it's pretty cool. You can hear one of Fatecage's songs here on my profile. And since I taught him everything he knows, I have to say I'm pretty proud of him. His band just recorded their debut album and they'll be going on a national tour this October. If you like loud rock music, please check out the only metal band officially endorsed by Newton the Cat:
My mom works for a booking agency, and is always on the lookout for good bands, venues, independent promoters, and other people whose ankles I would happily chew. Her page is here . I like her because she feeds me buttery lima beans.