About Me
I like anything in miniature. I hate the sounds a body makes: sniffing, chewing, gargling, pissing, breathing. Nor do I like body fluids, especially when they get on me. I wish I played the piano better. Nature is fine with me, as long as it says outside. I like staying inside. Asian women make me feel big and gangley. I like hotels and riding on airplanes. I like big breasts. I wish I had big breasts. I like it when my big-breasted friends get drunk and let me rest my head on theirs. I like building fires--except for the fact that I have to be outside to do it. I love big explosions. I don't hear very well. I wish I could yodel. Or juggle. I wish high heels weren't bad for your back. I have a bad back. I don't like to see people sitting on the toilet. Sometimes I limp. Due to popular demand, I've removed the uranium from my car. I'm a slob. I like wine more than beer. I love fried chicken and Korean food, even though the waitresses make me feel big and gangley.
