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More Quotes: 5.The quickest way to a man's heart is not through the stomach but through his chest, with an axe 6.Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat. 8.PHILOSOPHY: A study that lets us be unhappy more intelligently. 9.HEALTH: The slowest possible rate of dying 10.FOOT: A device for finding furniture in the dark. 11.Excuse me, I have to recharge my flamethrower. 12.SLEEP: That fleeting moment just before the alarm goes off. 14."Support wild life - vote for an orgy!" -Graffiti 15."Does God believe in people?" -Graffiti 19."The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it." -George Bernard Shaw 21."If we do happen to step on a mine, Sir, what do we do?" "Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet in the air and scatter oneself over a wide area." -Somewhere in No Man's Land, BA4 25.If you can't lower heaven, raise hell 26.Order is for idiots, genius can handle chaos 28.Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those I had to kill because they pissed me off. 30.I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it. -Ashleigh Brilliant 31.Submit to the present evil, lest a greater one befalls you. -Phaedrus 32.I'm not in denial I'm just selective about the reality I choose to accept -Calvin and Hobbes 34.From an actual newspaper contest where entrants age 4 to 15 were asked to imitate "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey": My young brother asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess I should have told him the truth -- that most of us go to Hell and burn eternally -- but I didn't want to upset him. -Age 10 35.I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life? -"Deep Thoughts" 39.After an obviously long night he found himself staggering about at home, when that familiar urge suddenly came upon him. In an uncharacteristic flash of common sense he managed to get to his bedroom window before unloading his guts through it. Unfortunately he was standing in the garden, looking in. -Jock Meston Alt.drunken.bastards 41."Well, waking up hung over and snuggled up in bed with the boss's 19-yr-old daughter and having to walk out of the house past his surprised ass at the breakfast table doesn't do wonders for your career." -Duncan Johnson Alt.drunken.bastards 43.It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get. 45.Scrawled in BIG ANGRY RED letters: "I FUCKED your mother!!!" Neatly printed in small calm blue letters: "Go home dad, you're drunk." -Toilet graffiti 46.If voting could change something, it would be illegal. -Graffiti on a Montreal building 47.Once I tried to kill myself with bungee cord. I kept almost dying. -Stephen Wright 48.Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere is the fact that none of it has tried to contact us. -Calvin &; Hobbes 49."Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups." 51.One time I was talking to a guy who thought that a Freudian slip was something that his mother wore under her dress. I did not bother to correct him. -B. T. Slack 52.When life gives you lemons, make lemonade, pee in it, and serve it to the people that piss you off. -Deep Thoughts 53. When Life gives you lemons, make Lemonade. And proceed to find someone whose Life has given them Vodka, and have a Party. - Ron White 54.Evil spelled backward is live 55.The gene pool could use a little chlorine. 56.Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill them. 57.Friends help friends move... REAL friends help friends move bodies. 59.Sticks and stones may break my bones but whips and chains arouse me. 60.This planet is obviously being used as an insane asylum by other planets. -George Bernard Shaw 61.Remember, it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 4 to pull the trigger of a decent sniper rifle. - Mr. Rogers 62.I was walking down the street when this man hammering on his roof called me a paranoid little freak... In Morse code. -Emo Phillips 64.If at first you don't succeed, fuck the world and smoke some weed. 67.Always borrow money from pessimists; they never will expect it back 69.Much can be accomplished with a smile. More can be accomplished with a smile and a gun. -Al Capone 70.Sex is like air, it isn't important unless you aren't getting any. 73.When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself. 75.The problem with America is stupidity, I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself???
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Your Five Factor Personality Profile
Extroversion:
You have medium extroversion.
You're not the life of the party, but you do show up for the party.
Sometimes you are full of energy and open to new social experiences.
But you also need to hibernate and enjoy your "down time."
Conscientiousness:
You have high conscientiousness.
Intelligent and reliable, you tend to succeed in life.
Most things in your life are organized and planned well.
But you borderline on being a total perfectionist.
Agreeableness:
You have high agreeableness.
You are easy to get along with, and you value harmony highly.
Helpful and generous, you are willing to compromise with almost anyone.
You give people the benefit of the doubt and don't mind giving someone a second chance.
Neuroticism:
You have high neuroticism.
It's easy for you to feel shaken, worried, or depressed.
You often worry, and your worries prevent you from living life fully.
You tend to be emotionally reactive and moody. Your either flying very high or feeling very low.
Openness to experience:
Your openness to new experiences is high.
In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas.
You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits.
A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.
The Five Factor Personality Test
Your Birthdate: November 15
You take life as it is, and you find happiness in a variety of things.
You tend to be close to family and friends. But it's hard to get into your inner circle.
Making the little things wonderful is important to you, and you probably have an inviting home.
You seek harmony with others, but occasionally you have a very stubborn streak.
Your strength: Your intense optimism
Your weakness: You shy away from exploring your talents
Your power color: Jade
Your power symbol: Flower
Your power month: June
What Does Your Birth Date Mean?