I was born in Poland in 1877 and some say I died in Russia - Moscow in 1926 but it is false news. I was the founder of Che-Ka (the best gentelemans club in Russia at the time). I also hung out with the folks from GPU and OGPU both equally as fun organizations that helped free the common peasant from his misery under capitalist oppression of the right wing fascists and other such mean people.
I came from a noble family but quickly realised its poo and as a youth joined the social-democratic movement which partly I was the inventor of in Poland by starting SDKPiL (Social Democratic Kingdom of Poland and Lithuania) in 1900 - those were the days, the farmers cheered! Me and my crew of farmers and also some intellectuals participted in the freedom fighting actions of 1905-1907 and for this the capitalists sentenced me to 11 years. My punishment was to go to Russia which the capitalists thought I would hate because it was a regular sentence to send good Poles to horrible Russia but I proved them all wrong because I LOVED it. Russia was a party country! I have never been to such parties in my life. The booze, the wild Ruski woman - the cigars and most of all the best automobile in the world the big bad red TANK!
We couldnt just sit around and party all the time though, someone had to free the world of the misery, garbage and mean people and I quickly hooked up with my homeys the Bolsheviks - B's Up Yo Yo! Those were the days I tell ya. During the revolution we all hung out like all the time it was happening!
I became very close friends with a fellow named Lenin, he was quite a hotty and was a hit with all the local peasant girls and sometimes even boys.
From 1917 to 1926 I was the main and only bossman of the Che-Ka (All-Russian Extraordinary Commission for Combating Counter-Revolution and Sabotage) it was a very peace-loving group and we simply combated people who stood against the freedom of the world and most of all the working class.
During the years of 1917-1926 I sent many people on very fun vacations all over beautiful Russia and sometimes even on deep earth mining experiences from which they never returned. It was a blast. I was busy with work but I still had philosophy and dedication to the freedom cause in my heart that is why I supported Stalin, he was a good man of great stature and Georgian charisma, he was stylin and his moustache and songs a hit with all the people all over free rupublics of the free world free of oppression and other such mean things.
I will write more because my death is not exciting and ofcourse it is false. I live on. Now I am currently in Venezuela, hanging with such cool cats as Chávez and Maradona (you know the best soccer player ever to emerge from Argentina)....I will write more but first I would like to thank Lukashenko of Belarus for keeping my name alive, building me amazing statues (even if some of them look quite horrible and they make me too shart) He is a good guy and knows what is good for his country and neighbours!
I recently visited the American SPY musuem in Washington and I saw a statue there of me. I would like to say that I was VERY dissapointed. The statue was horrible! I am not fat. I also do not look like that traitor Trotsky so please destroy it or else...
With Love and till a few weeks!
Feliks the coolest cat Dzierzynski
