"My Choice"A few nights ago I was confronted with the question on the choices we make during our lifetime?I was hanging out with friends and that's when a heterosexual friend asked me my opinion on whether I was born as a homosexual or if I believed it to be a choice?My opinion whether it is the right one or the wrong one, is just mine. The only way I could answer him was in the following manner.The dream of a lifetime, for some of us, is blue skies, beautiful warm days, playing in the rain and walking hand and hand with our sweet heart. I believe for some of us from the beginning it's normal to dream of the white dress and all of our family and friends cheering us on as we're willing to take that next step into the rest of our lives….or perhaps waiting for the day that we can follow in the footsteps of the brave men and women before us, who laid the foundation of the American way "Justice, liberty and freedom for all"…A two-story house with a two car garage, a big yard for your dog and a white picket fence, in a safe neighborhood with a good school for your 2.5 children would be great… I've been brought up to believe this was the ideal life.My pastor once had a conversation with me about the rights and wrongs of a good Christian life, in that lesson we talked about homosexuality and how it was an abomination… "A choice" made to appease the flesh punishable by disinheritance from the kingdom of God… "Well that sucks" I live my life working diligently to do the right thing and then the rule book of life comes out with that! Now I know how Moses must have felt; however, if that was not bad enough toward the end he persisted to inform me that my soul would be cast into a lake of fire.I've spoken with my friends and they expressed that their Priests, Rabbis and Bishops had somewhat the same discriminations towards us!?!If so…Isn't that what our religious leaders are teaching us from the beginning? I thought they were suppose to teach us tolerance,That we must love the sinner but not the sin?I confess as a child I saw the differences, but I also felt the pain… Growing up things within me where changing… my friends' parents didn't want me around as much, my family was embarrassed of my soft ways, in gym class I was treated as a leper… perhaps I had to change my so called "choice" so I would lie to myself so I could lie to the worldI learned to embrace the lifestyle of a heterosexual and in so doing tried my best to deceive myself into believing that I was happy. I began to forget who I was, in order to secure the love of my family and friends… so that I would not be cast off into exile like many others.Do you know that 62% of our homeless youth have sexual/gender issues? "What a shame" so I suppose that's probably why in a country where the all American dream of the white dress, picket fence and serving our country well and with pride, to this day is an unbeatable American dream.In the back of my mind I remembered my teachings and the one that has always been there is "To thine own self be true". That has helped carry me through, and to realize that some people call God's greatest gift…us, our compassion, our yearning and our need to love, sinful and heretic.. Some that truly perhaps never had experienced those feelings or can't understand that someone like me, a normal male, has the potential to posses these feelings for another male. I used to think within myself maybe if I had lived another way…..A husband to a wife, a father in a loveless marriage, my soul hardening from the lack of touch….the lack of love…… I confess such endless days and nights…would indeed be punishment greater than any you could ever imagine.Please don't misunderstand what I'm saying. I believe in God, inJesus Christ and the teachings of morals and family values. It's the teaching of hate and ignorance!!!....Of what maybe you just don't understand, or know much about to form an opinion….. That's what I have a problem with…I tried following in my parents' footsteps, I'd marry and have sons and daughters, I'd honor my family, spending my time trying to suppress my feelings, trying to forget who and what made me feel whole; consequently, when I die…I'll wonder why I obeyed all the rules of god and country …Because no biblical hell could ever be worse than the state of perpetual inconsequence.I've made the best of my life, but if you were faced with my life how would you live it differently?Christian MooreKimi-San DuMi
By now if you have read all the previous, you would know almost everything about me. But other things worth mentioning is my love for music, the piano, winds, string, percussion. I'm fascinated by people who dedicate themselves and have the discipline to learn. The ability to paint, floral arrange, sing, entertain, and make people laugh, are indeed great gifts from above and in this world we all have a talent, for that is what enables God to experience the natural beauty through our ears,eyes, touch, tastes and other senses. In a perfect world I'm describing the symphony of harmonizng colors and sounds and people who would treat each other with mutual kindness and respect and people would appreciate happiness for what it is, just being happy. But since we don't live in this perfect world, in fact far from it, we're left to deal with people always looking out for numero uno, manipulating, and controlling everyone around them for their personal gain. So maybe after reading this, you may think I'm a little bitter and jaded, some say cynical, I call it alert and said to be well protected. After a few years I've decided to return to school to see if my mind can focus on what I once believe to be the beautiful things in life, to once again find my passion, my love and trust for people. In this world there are many beautiful trees covered in splendid assortment of colored leaves, but each season the leaves change, die off and are replaced. On these great trees are the wondrous sturdy branches that hold up these leaves, they may move, or sway, but they remain firm, but even the sturdiest of branches can snap off in the midst of a storm. But this tree will alawys have stong roots that will spread out for miles, and in life we need to surround ourselves with people who can be these strong roots. If you can find 2 or 3 people who can be strong roots for a tree you are indeed blessed.
