About Me
I am a dynamically articulate figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention and seismic retrofitting.I translate ethnic slurs for Afgany refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Guantanamo. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants.I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject to numerous confetti fights. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school between lunch and breakfast, I repair electrical appliances free of charge for old debilitated ladies that have no one to love and take care of them. I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie critic. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear because of my vastly expansive styling techniques. I don't perspire but I sweat to help others.I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes to your mom's house. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration on Rock and Ice global movements. I bat a 400 average. My deft floral arrangements have earned me more fame in international botany circles then my apple corer in just 6 months time. There is never a day that I sit and watch life happen, I cause it by eating pickles and jelly for breakfast. I love woman that are spontaneous but always do what they say will do by shoving toast in the oven.I am always calm but my mind is going 100 miles per second. I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy just like a Brazilian baboon. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening for my grandmother.I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket but I always loose track of that jar of jelly. I have performed several covert operations with Sector 7, MI6, and your sister. I sleep twice a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair.While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small donut from a donut shop.But never before have I met someone so amazing, such as you!
