About Me
When and if I have children, I am going to make them grow up with video games the way I did. When they are young they will play Atari, and the games will be simple: Boxing, Pong, Joust etc. And after a few years I will blow their minds with an NES, and (not a Sega Master system or Sega genesis or Sega CD, or a Dreamcast, or anything else from Sega because they always bailed on the platform way too fast and made you buy a new one.) These poor little kids won't know what is coming: Mario, Castlevania, Final Fantasy, Contra, Ninja Gaiden (which they will not be able to beat), Tetris and so many more. This thing should blow their minds, and the only violence shown to them is no worse than Tom and Jerry. Then just when they are bored with the NES, I'll dig up my old Super NES and the kids will be introduced to the video game blood and vomit that is Street Fighter 2. This will be when they are in like eighth grade though, so their little minds won't get warped from the violence anymore than mine did. A few years later when they are again older and more mature they will get a Nintendo 64. (One game: MORTAL KOMBAT III. Plenty of violence and gore for a young teenager to enjoy, not so much that he/she is going to try to use a "finishing move" on me.) It will be at this point that they ask "Daddy? Why the eff is Nintendo still using these bunk cartridges? I mean don't you think that if they want to make the games totally sweet they'd use like a CD or something? I'm sick of blowing on these things to make them work." And I will respond to them "Goddamit you little shit I had to wait until I was in college to get my PS1 and so will you!" (They might cry at this point, but fuck it, crying builds character.) So for a few years I’ll talk to them about the upcoming takeover of SONY an how soon they will revel in the joy of CD based games, but this will all be a let down to them when after six months every PS1 I give them will only read DISC ERROR. As far as PS2, repeat that process again, and then replace it with XBOX. At this point with the kid(s) in their early twenties they can feel free to explore the wide world of whatever the future offers in vids. Clearly I will have these new systems locked away in Daddy's "thinking room," but those sticky fingered little brats will have never set foot in that room before and they most certainly won't start then. If they want a futuristic MICROSOFT XBOX 4R12Q they can go get a futuristic job down at the futuristic store and spend their own future-credits on it. Little brats.
