HISTORY 101
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of
beer and the invention of the wheel.The wheel was invented to get man to
the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together
were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct
subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered it required grain, and that was the beginning
of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented
yet, so our early human ancestors just stayed close to the brewery.
That's how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night
while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known
as "the Conservative movement".
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live
off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the
sewing, weaving and hair dressing. This was the beginning of "the
Liberal movement." Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into
women. The rest became known as 'girleymen'.
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats,
the trade union, class action lawsuits, the invention of group therapy &
group hugs and the concept of democratic voting to decide how to divide
the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most
powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by
the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer
white wine or imported bottled water.
They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu and French
food are standard liberal fare.
Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women have
higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal
injury attorneys, journalists, hair dressers, dreamers in Hollywood and
group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented baseball's designated
hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer and eat red meat & potatoes.
Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks,
construction workers, medical doctors, police officers, corporate
executives, soldiers, self employed, athletes & generally anyone who
works productively outside government. Conservatives who own companies
hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers
and decide what to do with the production. They also like to take money
away from successful people and give it to the failures. Liberals
believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most
of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to
America . They crept in after the Wild West was tame & created a business
of trying to get MORE for nothing.
Thus ends today's lesson in world history.
I'd like to meet:
DANCING MONKEYS!!!!!!!
