"Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius, and it's better to be absolutely rediculous than absolutely boring."
-Marilyn Monroei'm nikki. i'm nineteen.
i'm not here to impress anyone, im just here to be alive, and live every minute like it's the last. you could die tomorrow, you know? i'm not here to judge anyone, because your first judgements tend to be wrong. i'm not here to lie to you, or pretend i'm someone or something that i'm not. i don't really believe in "true" love, but i do believe in love. and i do believe there are good people in the world, but i don't know many at the moment. i love my dog like she's my family, because she always knows how to make me smile :] when im in a bad mood.sometimes you just have those nights where you can't sleep no matter how hard you try. you sit up and you think about the things that bother you.all those thoughts you keep compressed in that precious brain you have. you think about the people you live for and care about. you think about the future, and what you want to make of yourself one day. the person you wish to become. or at least i do. sometimes i wonder if every decision that i make will effect me tomorrow, the next day, or a year down the road. some things remain irrelevant, others do not. i think about how someone can want to be with someone, but not let it happen. and i realize that for as much as i think i can read people, i too often end up wrong. i wonder why people who deserve all the happiness and hope life can bring end up empty handed. and why shallow, heartless bastards end up with all the glory, and everything that they could ever want. my dad says you give yourself what you want and need in the long-run, but that isn't always true. that isn't always right.
this thing called life has us twisting and turning for answers. but do we ever really recieve them? do we ever really reach enlightenment? do we ever exceed our own expectations?
the unknown is always out there. and it's true: you always want the most what you can never have. you always look for the truth, but settle for a fragment. the book remains to be written, the story remains to be told. my lack of experience lies hand in hand with my knowledge. some people see and understand moments better than others. my lack of understanding lies hand in hand with my anger. why can't life be as simple as it should? a mystery to the common human psyche. why can't people live life to its' fullest? i know you hear, "life is short." but do you ever really listen? it's true. nothing lasts forever. bonds break, people lose eachother, lose themselves. and you never think about how precious it is until its over. the girl afraid to speak her mind, regrets falling into line with the crowd. because once you lose your own voice... what do you have? we are superior beings, all different, for a reason. why would we be given thoughts, views, opinions, religions, voices, if we weren't supposed to use them? everyone can change the world, reguardless of where you come from. backgrounds are irrelevant.
i've been told that im wise beyond my years. but i don't think so. more than likely i just think that i put my mind to good use. why waste it? i put my voice, hands, and feelings to good use. i speak. i write. i think. i still have a long way to go. a long road to walk. this, my friends, is just the beginning. i don't act, think, speak, write, feel, touch, love, or learn for you. i do it for myself. just like everyone else. because you can't truely be satisfied with others until you are satisfied with who you are. a lesson that i learned the hard way: you cant find yourself in someone else.
i went to the middle of nowhere. where there were no streetlights, no cars, no real civilization... and i found that alone, in the darkness, just myself and the stars, that it's good to enlighten your mind. look beyond what you see. look beyond what youve been tought and told. and to just be.. is the greatest feeling in the world. your anxieties and your heartaches wont last forever. it's all in your head. dont let your mind work against you. it should work for you. you can have all the strength in the universe in one single thought. one single feeling. it's up to you. you write your own book. you tell your own story. you live the dream. you change the world.
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