Mike

Well lets see I'm kinda tall and like hopscotch and jump rope. This is going to tell everything you could possibly want to know about me, and prolly wont attract extreme stalkers to which I believe I have none. Shucks I always wanted a stalker.A stalker application soon to come*. Well after I finish this paragraph I'm going to commence the longest rant in the history of life itself. If anyone manages to finish this you may proudly become my friend.Well lets see I'm kinda tall and like hopscotch and jump rope. I'm a Senior at BHS. In case you were wondering yes that stands for the Best High School ever. I like to wittle wooden people while sitting next to waterfalls.Ok, Lie I do that from time to time. I'm a fan of music and of live shows so if you want to make your way into my heart you can take me to a show.Like All my wonderful valentines this year :) Fav bands? I'll compile a short list but I think I put that somewhere else...anyway. When I was four years old I used to hang out with this kid across the street and he and I made quick friends. However, he was a bad kid and I was always bad at being a bad kid so he got me in trouble all the time. It was really sad because he'd say hey lets thow rocks in the pool and I would think" Hey now that is not a smart idea.Then I'd do it anyway. My mother would inevitably find out because we kids are not as tricky as we think we are. Who would have thought the owners of the pool that were sun bathing would see the rocks flying over their heads and see the semi retarded 4 year olds running away? Anyway I went to his birthday party and bought him a pirate lego set that I was insanely jealous of. I didn't understand why I was giving him this sweet toy in exchange for stale cake, watered down Koolaid and screaming four year olds. If I ever see that kid as an adult im gonna tie him to my car, then proceed to drive to Washington and throw him into Mount Saint Helens gollum style. Well that horrible mix of DNA I used to play with planted an evergreen tree in the middle of our court. Well it looked good at the time(similar to the "hot girl" you saw at a hundred yards, that when you approached had a serious mic of face herpes and crack abuse... maybe I'm the only one who approached that girl) but if any of you have those trees in your backyard you will realize how ginormous they get so anyway now that tree is starting to get enormous and take over the court and they don't even live there anymore.But I suppose its better than one of thos courts that dont have the circle in the middle, man those suck. Oh well I'm getting ahead of myself here... back when I was still hanging out with the kid remember we were both still really young 4-6ish an incident happened that I believe has totally shaped the course of my life. It made me realize the world is as messed up as Michael Jackson's face and life. I was at his house and at the time I was friends with another girl in the court close to my own age that attends our school so she will be called Sandy Saloon from here on out and the kid will be hence forth referred to as Douche Macay(I can only remember his last name.)Well I was Douche Macay's house and he was being his normal bad Kid self and I was consenting when he came up with a couple of the worst possible ideas a human could possibly think up which is a mighty accomplishment. The ideas were as follows: And this is as verbatim as it can be after 14 years. Mike lets pee in cups and trick Sandy Saloon into thinking its lemonade.*idea followed by excessive high pitched giggling*. I was always intimidated by this kid and so I went long with they idea at first. Then he decides as guys always do to top his previous idea" Lets take poops and convince Sandy Saloon that its brownies." To this suggestion I refuse because its just plain over the top gross and no one would fall for it anyway.(or maybe I just couldn't poo at the time? I'll go with the former. So we get Sally Saloon to take part in our lemonade higincks. As she approaches and he hands her the cup and it approaches her lips I have to make a decision that will define my character for the rest of my life. Many people make this decison in their career life with a chance advance at the expense of someone else,stealing large amounts of money from your place of employment, or accepting bribes. But my character defining moment came at the ripe age of five. Even at that age I think someone has to understand that it can't possibly be morally right to allow someone to unknowingly drink the piss of Satan himself. So just before the sterile yellow liquid flowed onto her lips, I lunged grabbed the dixie cup and puored in on the ground. I still remember the look of anticipation his face that was ruined by me doing this. It was the proudest moment of my life. He got really upset with me for ruining his prank, I'm going to go ahead and say that he so upset that he made his family move to Alasaka. Good riddance scum bag and I wan't my lego set back...Cocksucker. However before he left I had the wierdest thing happen.At the time I prolly knew but know no longer(that was a fun line), I have a vivid memory and I'm unsure whether it was real or the most vividly real dream of all time but I walked up to his house and instead of knocking or ringing the door bell I just opened the door and walked up the stairs, to the left and went in his room at the end of the hall, at this point I realise he isn't in his room and actually no one is home but I'm in there house so I get wierded out and leave. It's been bugging me forever whether I actually did it or if it was simply a dream. What I do know is that the memory of the house is accurate because I've been there since that time.Wierd....ooohh a side note on Sally Saloon..In her garage on one side she had a ladder that went up and above her garage door there was a fort/clubhouse/treehouse complete with carpeting, a tv, and a padlock to lock the trapdoor at the top of the ladder. For a little boy that was maybe the coolest thing I've ever seen and I don't believe I have ever been as jealous of anything my whole life. I have as recently as 5 years still thought about how I could have my own if I just got all the storage things out of the rafters. That paragraph was over the top I'll start a new one now for all the kids out there who get the shakes at grammatical tragedies.Around this time I was obsessed with trains. On the way up to the camp my mother volunteered as a nurse at she pointed out a train and I got all excited. Then I watched as the train smashed into the lady that stopped on the tracks, killing her instantly. It never really bothered me but I guess my mom was afraid that I had some wierd thoughts about death and told my teachers not to be wierded out if I talked about watching someone die. Pretty much if I were them that would be the creepiest thing ever. I guess I told the story to random people, file that under strange but true. So I entered prekindergarten. Prekindergarten for who don't know is for people who have summer birthdays or maybe are slower and need more before kindergarten. Think of it as Preschool College. It was here that I met John Eastling (who has a fall birthday, he was there because he was slow *LIE darn I did it again) and we dominated everyone in basketball(im listening to music and as I typed basketball Conor Oberst sang the word it was weird, conor oberst must have an eating disorder he's way to thin to be human). The place gave us cubbies and our own bottle of paste, it was pretty plush, more than I ever got at BHS. Well the place was in the basement of some lady's house. I remember we entered from under here deck(there was a hamock there that I loved. Well those days were pretty neat except for the incident where I had to sing a song for like graduation of something. This included me not getting to play as long and also walking up to the actual house area to be taught the song. I do succinctly remember walking in on the teacher changing, it was gross and I didn't understand why she wasn't ready to start teaching me the song.I thought adults were always prepared. I spent the days I wasn't there having John Eastling over eating frozen pizzas and watching the old batman movie. And when we went to his house his brother dominated me in sega hockey. Which he still has hooked up in his brothers room.Truth. I had to sing the song at the graduation thing and I guess I was cute, all I can remember was being nervous. The coolest thing about the whole experience was that the place had a huge hill and on it there was a playground it was like halfway down this super steep hill. It was amazing but I had to move on. After prekindergarten me and John went our seperate ways,(me to kindergarten and him to prison)Lie again but I soon forgot about him I mean seriously I had kindergarten to worry about. forget about John Eastling. Kindergarten oh man how I miss you. We had class in those wonderful mobile homes connected by the wooden ramps that were oh so fun to stomp on. This is where I met William Eric Berg and the first day of kindergarten he told me that if he pumped the pump on my shoes for too long the school would blow up. I thought it was funny so we decided to be friends. I also became friends with Mikael Quist(as seen in the bright photo too the left). Mikael was a wonderfully adhd child with an obsession with locks, computers, and fine looking women. Nothing has changed in 12 years. Exaggeration. But he did seriously have a collection of like 30 locks and brought it to my house everytime he came over and I thought it was awesome. Sadly he doesn't carry locks around anymore. I don't remember much from Kindergarten other than being so upset that we didn't stay the whole day like the big kids. Oh and I stole a number block grid thing. THe wooden thing with 100 blocks carved in it. I admit it, I stole it. HOw liberated I feel. First Grade what a trip. This is where the fun begins. HOLY CRAP FULL DAY OF SCHOOL WHAT A DREAM COME TRUE. Or something.I had Mrs. McGlaughlin, she was the BOMB. I remember there was these little water things on her desk we used to play with, there were like things that floated around inside and you tried to make them go through the hoops. Pretty fun, maybe someone can vouch for me and remember these. It was in this grade I met my nemesis Alex Bigot(real name). Does anyone remember marble works? Well it was a great toy but it started a rivalry of the ages. So that fagot stole my marble and I reacted like anyone would and I said and wish I was making this up, "If you dont give me my marble back, I'll hang you with my pinky". Now I don't even think thats possible and therefore shouldn't have been treated as a thrreat, however the teachers disagreed. I got a note on the back of my report card which told my mom my crime( I really wish I stilll had it) what I said, unfortunatly my mother didn't read it. Sweet Victory! Elementary school pretty much rocked the world in two. We had our lesbian gym teacher, music(with games!), art(and the art fair I never got accepted too :( . Also fricken carnivals and track and field day. Oh man those were some good times. Second grade was uneventful as far as I can remember other than my first trip to the principals office. So were were playing king of the hill and I was tearing it up like a pro. When along comes Alex Bigot thinking he was MR. Hot Stuff. SO he tried to take my hill. Naturally I did what any reasonable person would have done, I threw him to the ground and proceded to drop my knee into his chest until he started crying. I sound like a really violent person now but I'm not really. I don't remember the last time I got in a fight, but I did always like playing tough guy. On second thought I didn't go to the principals. I just sat in the nurses office and got yelled at by my teacher while they gave the pansy a band aid or something.Oh I do remember when some girl in the classes mom came in with pizza and said that people in her home country don't have food so we should finish the pizza. I always remembered that, I listen to people who give me free pizza. Her daughter was horrible though. She was really annoying and the only person who could beat me at around the world with addition. What a skank. I met the guy who did the voice in the "Beef its whats for dinner" commercial, he came in and showed us his stamp collection. Truth. Third grade was hard because you had to do cursive, multiplication, and division. All in all I loved my teacher Mrs Wilzik but nothing really cool happened. Around this time I stopped hanging out with Mikael Quist because I deemed him a nerd and an outcast. Terrible but I swear its a happy story. We grew tomato plants in the class and we got to bring them home and were supposed to come back and tell her how it went. Mine eventually died. I didn't go back and tell her. I will finish this at some point.. This profile was edited with Thomas' myspace editor™ V2.5