My name is Jeffrey Lebowski, I got my legs shot off in Korea by some Chinaman, but I still achieved. Yes, I DO know the preferred nomenclature. In that spirit I started a the Little Lebowski Urban Achievers. Racially I'm pretty cool, so they came from different moms. No, really, they are inner-city youth with potential without the necessary means to get ahead, so we give them what they need to achieve, whether it's a few dollars or a swift kick in the ass. Sometimes kids need that. They need to remember that the bums always lose. My advice to them is to do what their parents did - get a job! But until they are old enough, someone needs to care for the little rodents. If they don't behave, it's off to the Martha Stewart sweat shops in Singapore. What in God's holy name am I blathering about? I can't solve their problems, only they can, for them the plane has crashed into the mountain!
It's funny. I can look back on a life of achievement, on challenges met, competitors bested, obstacles overcome. I've accomplished more than most men, and without the use of my legs. What. . . What makes a man? Is it. . . is it, being prepared to do the right thing? Whatever the price? Isn't that what makes a man? Yes, that and a pair of testicles.
My daughter Maude likes to think she is the brains behind this operation. She is an artist. Her art has been commended as being strongly vaginal. Which bothers some men. The word itself makes some men uncomfortable. Vagina. Yes, they don't like hearing it and find it difficult to say. Whereas without batting an eye a man will refer to his "dick" or his "rod" or his "Johnson". I don't approve of her lifestyle, and needless to say she doesn't approve of mine. She even once said I tried to embezzle one million dollars for the little achievers. Nonsense! Ask Brandt, he'll vouch for me.
Want to know more? Listen to my friends and I.
