Matthew Robert Edwards - ProfilesArchive

About Me

Matthew Robert Edwards like his forefathers before him was King of the Batinoire. Matthew held this title until the infamous Kareoke Civil Wars of 1244 A.D. forced him out of power and on the the harsh streets of Withington M20. Since his dethroning, Matthew rents out his chaffcrack for 40p/lb to passers by.Matthew is a kind and generous man and often builds schools for under privileged, disabled lesbian ethnic minority children, with no hands or feet. His ongoing efforts in the field of medicine have been recognised by such contemporaries as Dame Edna Everadge and MC Hammer. It has been said that Edwards, armed only with a sword, is on a one man crusade to rid the world of AIDs, Cancer, Hepititis and Steeve Brookstien.To relax, Matthew likes nothing more than sitting in his back garden with a shotgun, a Greggs pasty and a bottle of Lambrini's finest wine, whilst hurling abuse at his next door neighbour, Sledgehammer.Matthew invented sprinkle-dust, the xylophone, money, bridges, milk, god, Ford Capri's, water and toast.

My Interests

I'm not very interesting really. I like reading bus timetables, stealing peoples washing and smashing things to pieces.

I'd like to meet:

Your mother.

Music:

Any music that was span on the decks of Baggies in Rugeley by DJ Dave or at Hednesford's Aquarius Ballroom by DJ Mikey the Pikey in 1995. Below is my top 50. Ace.

Movies:

The Alton Towers DVD. You wear a criminals tagging device and CCTV films you... A snip at Â£19.99.

Television:

I haven't got a television. I have really. I don't watch it though. I do really.

Books:

The Life and Times of Spiral from Big Brother.

Heroes:

I wouldn't mind bumming any of the girls out of Girls Aloud, if i'm quite honest.

My Blog

The most horrendous experience of my life to date.

Friday was a fun night. Neil The Real Deal has arrived back in Manchester, armed with an immense appetite for fun and party times. With this attitude, there is only one thing that can be done to diffu...
Posted by Matthew Robert Edwards on Sun, 21 Jan 2007 11:50:00 PST

One for the epileptics...

If you were not in attence at a particular houseparty on the fateful eve of the 31st December 2006 in Edingerburgerough Village Limits, this video will mean nothing to you and I command you to stop wa...
Posted by Matthew Robert Edwards on Sat, 06 Jan 2007 04:16:00 PST

I'm not sure that I trust this...

Posted by Matthew Robert Edwards on Wed, 03 Jan 2007 03:44:00 PST

Living next door to a loon, Episode 58.

Bill the Gazeebo, he has been murdered by Peter Gabriel!People often ask, is ..Sledgehammer.. a real person? Did he really smash your roof up? Did he really rape Sue while she slept? Did he really sle...
Posted by Matthew Robert Edwards on Sun, 12 Nov 2006 08:51:00 PST

My mentalist next door neighbour.

Due to increased scepticism amonst my peers, I have decided to publish some photographs of the booby-trapped land belonging to "Sledgehammer", my mental next door neighbour. We believe that the booby ...
Posted by Matthew Robert Edwards on Sun, 29 Oct 2006 02:30:00 PST

People of Rugeley! I need YOU!

Alright you bunch of inbred thugs!I need lots and lots of pictures of local people, preferably legends for a series of paintings. I would do it from memory, but my asperger's syndrome seems to have cl...
Posted by Matthew Robert Edwards on Sun, 29 Oct 2006 04:31:00 PST

Neighbour from Hell/India - an update.

For Fans of Mr Number 5Well, well, well. Such a lot has happened readers I really don't know where to begin, so in a haphazard 'gossip over the garden fence' manner, I shall begin.I left you a couple ...
Posted by Matthew Robert Edwards on Fri, 01 Sep 2006 05:53:00 PST

Nieighbour from hell. Well, he's from India actually

Trouble at AshdeneDoes anybody know of any methods to eradicate troublesome neighbours? A weeeird and troublesome neighbour? Our neighbours one one side are as cool as the come - Columbian Salsa teach...
Posted by Matthew Robert Edwards on Wed, 30 Aug 2006 03:42:00 PST