47357973

"If I had my way, I'd never work. I'd just stay home all day, watch Scarface 50 times, eat a turkey sandwich, and have sex all fucking day. Then I'd dress up like a clown, and surprise kids at schools. Then I'd take a dump in the back of a movie theater, and just wait until somebody sat in it. Hear it squish. That's funny to me. Then I'd paint, and read, and play violin. I'd climb the mountains, and sing the songs that I like to sing. But I don't got that kinda time."

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What is my perfect crime?I break into Tiffany’s at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No - I go for the chandelier; it’s priceless.As I’m taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop, it’s her father’s business. She’s Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come, and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada. I don’t trust her. Besides; I like the cold.30 years later I get a postcard: I have a son, and he’s the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting. I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris, by the Trockadero; she’s been waiting for me all these years, she’s never taken another lover.I don’t care, I don’t show up. I go to Berlin - that’s where I stashed the chandelier.

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