Boris the Tortoise

I've been called many things, from "the humble genius" to "the last true romantic". They are of course exaggerrating, my intelligence is slightly under that of a human genius, and I am physically unable to hold doors open for women.
Current year's resolution: figure out how to walk through glass. I have tried everything i can think of, from ramming straight into it, to ramming straight into it for hours at a time. One of these days the secrets will be revealed.
Favorite pasttime: Flipping on my back. I am a sucker for climbing on things and falling off them. My hero comes and saves me every time though; he has no idea I do it for the attention. What a doofus.
Birthday: July 15, 1991