Sy_KoT_iK™ profile picture

Sy_KoT_iK™

She's an organized catastrophe, an enigmatic curiousity. . .

About Me

We are but little souls, carrying around a corpse. This corpse has been named Vanessa, better known in the internet realm as Sy_KoT_iK. To read this is to open the door to the hidden reality of the person you think I am. It is like smashing open my skull and becoming lost in the valleys of my mind, tortured by confusion, questions, doubts and regrets. It is like peeling back the flesh of my chest, exposing my heart. . . beating violently. It is like opening the window to my soul, and watching the girl run into the darkness. To read this. . .is to become aware of the individual I carry from day to day. . .but by no means. . . understand. This word salad of a description in no way justifies the extent to which my personality or identity exists, but dare. . .oh dare, to join me in this cerebral orgasm. . .
As any good ride, I shall start out slow. I was born on the day that Maxentius was proclaimed Roman Emperor, in the year that MTV was launched, making me a Scorpio. I am proud of my heritage, a German-Italian, with my Italian features more prominent in both physical appearance and temperament. I am, and have always been fascinated with anything dealing with the Italian mafia. I adore my parents, who are still married and could not have asked for two better people to raise me. I have a younger brother who just enlisted in the Army and means the world to me. I am married, but acknowledge that he could do much better. His name is Josh, and he is a laid back motocrosser whose interests are as diverse as my personality. (Sounds simple, eh? Let me save you some time. . .if you are the type of person that is content with superficiality, and seeks simplicity in another individual. . .stop reading now.)
I am a complicated person that is not easily described within tidy lines for a conformist’s mind. My personality lays on the extreme side of a Type A continuum. Stress consumes me. I have control issues. I'm highly competitive and HATE to be outdone. I have an aggressive personality, but also have a very loving side. I talk fast. I say FUCK , frequently. I need anger management, and in certain situations, I tend to be hostile. I hurry frequently. I drive way too fast. I don’t wear seatbelts, because as ridiculous as it sounds, they’re binding. I have road rage, and get pissed when I encounter imbeciles on the road. My husband believes wholeheartedly that I will die in my car, and I don’t doubt that.
I have difficulty opening up to people. I don’t like the feeling of vulnerability that comes with openness. I don’t trust easily. Too many times before, I have been burnt for that. So, I tend to be unforgiving and intolerant after I have been hurt. I push those close to me away. But, I am a loyal friend. Even so, people intrigue me. I yearn to meet new people, and to experience new things.
I pride my open-mindedness and tolerance of diversities. Creativity pulses through me, my outlet . . . writing. I am obsessed with learning about other cultures. Boredom consumes me easily, and I strive to keep my mind engaged. Knowledge is valuable to me. I despise ignorance, stupidity, and persistent immaturity. I am patriotic and I appreciate our military, irregardless of the bullshit our “leaders” in government do. Politicians sicken me. I believe societal morale is depleting. Loathe the pretender, but admire dreamers. And most definitely, the waste of society should be shot.
I am a realist, and I am opinionated. . .if you don’t like that. . .you can go fuck yourself. Self-esteem is absent, and I take compliments poorly. I hate the image looking back at me in the mirror. When I am alone, I cry a lot, because my thoughts wander. I am a pessimist. I am self-destructive and overly self-critical. I fear failure. The longer I live, the more I believe it is best to die young. I threw my chance at a good career away by failing to apply myself in college. Lately, I lack motivation. I am intelligent, but downplay it. I feel like a hypocrite as I utilize my psychology degree counseling troubled youth when. . . I am troubled myself? I lost my faith in God years ago. I don’t know what to believe. You wouldn’t either if you study the history of man’s religion. Sometimes I fear I am living for nothing. Sometimes I fear that attitude will destroy my chances for an existence beyond my death. I would like to meet my maker. Sarcasm laces my conversations. I sing, but not well. I think about suicide . . . often. But I believe living can be a coward’s suicide. Sometimes, I feel that I am that coward. (Still reading?? Impressive.) As you can see, I can be completely random. I like Hentai. I love horror movies. I love the feeling of genuine terror, but oddly, I am afraid of the dark. I can be an instigator. When necessary, I'll be the mediator. Music is my soul. Romantic gestures are adored. I want someone to completely understand me. I hold strong to my beliefs. I do not fit well into labels.. I have regrets . . . several. I think you think you know who I am. But I can tell you that you are wrong.
I am me. . .
There will be no other! ! !

My Interests



Stuff I
LOVE . . .

♠Accents
♠Aikido
♠Al Pacino
♠Alphabetical order
♠Amaretto sours
♠American Soldiers and Veterans
♠Anything ADIDAS
♠Anything related to the ITALIAN MAFIA
♠Asian culture
♠Asphyxiation
♠Autopsy
♠Band shirts
♠BDSM
♠Black and white photography
♠Blood and gore
♠Bloody Mary's. . .yummm!
♠Body modification
♠Books
♠Boots
♠Bowling
♠Candles
♠Caramel
♠Classic cars
♠Concerts
♠Control
♠Corsets
♠Critical thinking
♠Cyber-Industrial wear
♠Dark art
♠Death metal
♠Dirty talk
♠Ehnic foods
♠Exhibitionism
♠Extreme sports
♠Feelings of genuine fear
♠Fetish models
♠Fetish wear
♠Ford Mustang
♠Forensics
♠Friends who are understanding, reliable and sincere
♠Foreign languages (German and Italian)
♠From Emo to Screamo
♠Gas masks
♠Ghost hunting
♠Godfathers and Mafiosi
♠Gothic architecture
♠Guys wearing dog collars
♠Guys with tight, firm asses
♠Hair falls
♠Halloween
♠Handcuffs
♠Hard candies
♠Hash brown casserole
♠Heartbeats
♠Heavy metal
♠History
♠Horror movies
♠Intelligence
♠Intelligent conversation
♠Italian food
♠Jet Li. . .HAWT!
♠JOSH
♠Kissing
♠Latex
♠Laying under the stars
♠Leather
♠Lists
♠Making out
♠Martial arts
♠Medical paraphernalia
♠Metal lunchboxes
♠Military history and affairs
♠Mini golf
♠Morbidity
♠Motocross
♠Motorcycles
♠Mountain Dew
♠Music
♠My computer
♠My family
♠Mystery
♠NINE INCH NAILS
♠Okinowan Goju-Ryu
♠Philosophy
♠Piercings
♠Playing darts
♠Poetry
♠Pretending I can dance
♠Psychology
♠Psychopharmachology
♠Quentin Tarantino
♠Rainbow Bright
♠Rainy days
♠Religious history
♠Road trips
♠Robert DeNiro. . .so sexxxy!
♠Rob Zombie...so fuckin' HOT!
♠Rodeos
♠Rough sex
♠Sarcastic humor
♠Saturday Night Live
♠Scarification
♠Sex
♠Shoes
♠Sleeping in
♠Spanking others
♠Speeding
♠Stethoscopes
♠Synth-pop
♠Tattoos
♠Thai Kickboxing
♠The 80's
♠The beach
♠The color blue
♠The human body
♠The human mind
♠The macabre
♠The paranormal
♠The Suicide Girls
♠The taste of blood
♠The word FUCK
♠Tim Burton
♠Torture
♠Traveling
♠Trent FUCKING Reznor
♠Vegetables
♠Victoria’s Secret
♠Video games
♠Vintage style
♠Voyeurism
♠Warfare history
♠Writing
♠X-men

Shit I
HATE . . .

♠Bad drivers
♠Bad grammar and spelling
♠Bad hygiene
♠Bad smells
♠Being open
♠Being spoken to like a child
♠Being underminded
♠Bills
♠Birds
♠Bratty kids
♠Breast implants
♠Bugs
♠Camel toe
♠Cheerleader speak
♠Cigarettes
♠Closed minds
♠Crying
♠Debt
♠Dentists
♠Desperation
♠Drama
♠Drugs
♠Ebonics
♠Fakes
♠Failure
♠Feces. . .YUCK!
♠Fuzzy fruit
♠Getting lint out of the dryer
♠Getting touched by people I do not know
♠ “Ghetto kids” from the white, middle to upper class
♠Having to say “I’m sorry.”
♠Heights
♠Ignorance
♠Illegal immigrants
♠Imitators
♠Immaturity
♠Instigators
♠Interviews
♠Judgmental people
♠Labels
♠Liars
♠Lima beans
♠LOSING. . .AT ANYTHING
♠Mall Goths
♠Mathematics
♠Most rap music
♠Movies with no point
♠My allergies
♠Not knowing when and how I will die
♠Parents who have no control over their kids
♠Peanut butter
♠People who are incapable of parking between the two white lines
♠People who complain about society but do nothing to change it
♠People who push their beliefs on me
♠People who push their work off onto others
♠People who think that dressing a certain way makes the *insert label here*
♠People who try to add you without knowing you
♠People who are trying to have a mega-million myspace friends
♠People who use religion as an excuse to be judgmental
♠Personal space violators
♠Political Correctedness
♠Popped collars
♠Seatbelt laws
♠Sore losers
♠Spoiled brats
♠Superficiality
♠Terrorists
♠The inability to express myself fully
♠The welfare system
♠The unadventurous
♠Those who READ your message but DON'T REPLY
♠Tupac
♠Vomit
♠Vomiting
♠Wiggers

Art Change to your preference

I'd like to meet:

I am not interested in having 847,973,835,996,394 friends on MySpace. Do NOT try to add me if you can’t even bother to send a message. If you are too lazy to get to know me, you aren't good enough to be on my list! If you are a band, at least send a message. I will check your stuff out. If I like it, then I MAY add you. I tend to only have bands on here that I really love! But enough of the lecture. . .

I would like to meet someone capable of intelligent conversation, but who appreciates the ability to act silly. A person who thinks outside of the box, who can match my dark sarcasm, who can stand against the majority for what they know is right, a person who finds it unnecessary to be labeled. . .someone who has more to offer than superficial characteristics. All in all, just be yourself. . .On a different note, it would be kick ass to meet . . .
♠Adolf Hitler
♠Alfonso "Scarface" Capone
♠Christopher Walken
♠Elizabeth Bathory
♠Friedrich Nietzche
♠H.R. Giger
♠MY MAKER
♠Myself in 25 years
♠Jim Morrison
♠Plato
♠Quentin Tarantino
♠Ray Ceasar
♠Richie (you know who you are!)
♠Robert DeNiro
♠Tim Burton
♠Trent Reznor

Meet Josh, my partner in crime!



Leave SUICIDE note here . . .

These ARE the beautiful people. . .
more than good looks.

Chaos.In.The.Darkness (A.K.A. Josh)

Unaware.Hero (A.K.A. Andrew)

Ice.Ice.Baby! (A.K.A Crystal)

THE.Genuine.Sweetheart (A.K.A. Angie)

Damage! (A.K.A. Gerald)

Prototype.Loser (A.K.A. Richie)

Black.Latex (A.K.A. Wes)

Hopeless.Romantic (A.K.A. Alison)

Corpse.Candle (A.K.A James)

Props.To.Podunk (A.K.A. Mike)

The.Innocent (A.K.A. Ellie)

A.Mysterious.Mind (A.K.A. Lucifer)

STALKER

Prepare yourself for lyrical seduction. . .
and enjoy the beat as it fucks your soul.

Nine Inch Nails

Black Swan Insurgency

Amyl Nitrate

AFI

Psyclon Nine

Kill Hannah

CombiChrist

Deadstar Assembly

The Ludovico Technique

Dead Puppets

VNV Nation

Mindless Self Indulgence

Dismantled

In Strict Confidence

Apoptygma Berzerk

The PCP Principle

EXPERIENCE ECSTASY

Music:


This shit
ROXXX . . .

♠aHa
♠Alice Cooper
♠ALKALINE TRIO
♠All American Rejects
♠Amyl Nitrate
♠Aphex Twin
♠APOPTYGMA BERZERK
♠Atari Teenage Riot
♠Avenged Sevenfold
♠Ayria
♠Bauhaus
♠Ben Folds Five
♠Big and Rich
♠Bjork
♠Black Sabbath
♠Black Crows
♠BLACK SWAN INSURGENCY
♠Blur
♠Buckcherry
♠Charlie Daniels
♠Claudia’s Ashes
♠Clawfinger
♠Coldplay
♠Collective Soul
♠CombiChrist
♠Cradle of Filth
♠Cruxshadows
♠Crystal Method
♠Daft Punk
♠David Allan Coe
♠Dead Can Dance
♠Dead Puppets
♠Depeche Mode
♠Duran Duran
♠Enigma
♠Evanescence
♠Faith no More
♠Fear Factory
♠Future Sound of London
♠Garbage
♠George Strait
♠Godhead
♠Good Charlotte
♠Gretchen Wilson
♠Guns N Roses
♠H.I.M.
♠Icon of Coil
♠Jane’s Addiction
♠Janis Joplin
♠Jet
♠Jefferson Airplane
♠Jimi Hendrix
♠Joan Jett and the Blackhearts
♠Johnny Cash
♠Kiss
♠Lacuna Coil
♠Led Zepplin
♠Lords of Acid
♠Loretta Lynn
♠Lynyrd Skynyrd
♠Marilyn Manson
♠Ministry
♠Motley Crue
♠My Chemical Romance
♠My Life With The Thrill Kill Kult
♠Nine Inch Nails
♠Nirvana
♠Nosferatu
♠Oasis
♠Orbital
♠Orgy
♠Pat Benetar
♠Pink Floyd
♠PJ Harvey
♠Placebo
♠Poe
♠Poison
♠Pop Will Eat Itself
♠Porno for Pyros
♠Portishead
♠Primus
♠Psyclon Nine
♠Queen
♠Radio Head
♠Rammstein
♠Rob Zombie
♠Simple Plan
♠Sioxsie and the Banshees
♠Sisters of Mercy
♠Six Gun Method
♠Skinny Puppy
♠Splendid Chaos
♠Stabbing Westward
♠Switchblade Symphony
♠The Beatles
♠The Chemical Brothers
♠The Clash
♠The Cranberries
♠The Cure
♠The Doors
♠The Killers
♠The Prodigy
♠The Smiths
♠The Strand
♠The Who
♠Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
♠Tool
♠Tori Amos
♠Type O Negative
♠Velvet Revolver
♠Veruca Salt
♠VNV Nation
♠Weezer
♠Whitesnake
♠White Zombie
♠Wumpscut

Movies:


Hey! Have you
SEEN ? ? ?
♠28 Days Later
♠A Bronx Tale
♠Alice in Wonderland
♠American Beauty
♠Apollo 13
♠Beetlejuice
♠Bram Stoker’s Dracula
♠CASINO
♠Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
♠Cinderella
♠Coach Carter
♠Corpse Bride
♠Dark Crystal
♠DEAD POETS SOCIETY
♠Drop Dead Fred
♠EDWARD SCISSORHANDS
♠Forrest Gump
♠Full Metal Jacket
♠GODFATHER set
♠Green Mile
♠Hitch
♠Hocus Pocus
♠Hook
♠House of a 1000 Corpses
♠The Dark Crystal
♠House on Haunted Hill
♠Interview with a Vampire
♠James and the Giant Peach
♠Kill Bill:Volume 1
♠Kill Bill:Volume 2
♠Labyrinth
♠Lost Highway
♠May
♠Meet the Fockers
♠Meet the Parents
♠Napoleon Dynamite
♠National Lampoon’s Van Wilder
♠Nightmare Before Christmas
♠Oldboy
♠Party Monster
♠Pirates of the Caribbean
♠Poltergeist
♠Pulp Fiction
♠Rain Man
♠Rocky Horror Picture Show
♠RULES OF ATTRACTION
♠Secret Window
♠Se7en
♠Sleepy Hollow
♠S.W.A.T.
♠Texas Chainsaw Massacre
♠The Cell
♠The Craft
♠THE CROW
♠The Crow: City of Angels
♠The Dark Crystal
♠The Devil’s Rejects
♠THE EXORCIST
♠The Jacket
♠The Prophecy
♠Trainspotting
♠Underworld
♠Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
♠X-Men 1.5

Television:


Worth
a peek. . .

♠THE CHANNELS♠
•BBC
•Court TV
•CSPAN
•Dicovery Health
•Discovery Times
•MSNBC
•The Discovery Channel
•The History Channel
•The Military Channel
•The National Geographic Channel
•The Science Channel
•Vh1
•Vh1 Classics

♠THE SHOWS♠
•Desperate Housewives
•ER
•Friends
•Grey’s Anatomy
•Law and Order
•Saturday Night Live
•Sex in the City
•Southpark
•The Sopranos

Books:


Quotes

center

Heroes:

TRUE
Heroism . . .
. . .is a concept that can never be truly defined, as it changes with age. As children, we have an affinity to those who possess “super powers.” They stop speeding bullets, freeze villains and are indestructible, for the most part. As we age, we find those who influence us, motivate us and push us to become the people we evolve into. Our focus switches from elaborate capes and fabulous tactical gadgets to wit, loyalty and humanitarianism. . .
A hero, is not a hero because he says himself to be. A hero, is defined in the hearts of those they have touched. Oddly, heroes take their last breath, never realizing that they were just that. . .a hero.
Although many of you reading this will never know the people I have listed as my heroes, they are just that. For what it is worth. . .the people, who in one way or another, who have impacted me . . .
♠MY PARENTS♠
•â€¦who loved me unconditionally
•â€¦who encouraged my creativity
•â€¦who instilled good values
•â€¦who allowed for my independence
•â€¦who never allowed me to give up
•â€¦who supported me and allowed me to make my own mistakes
•â€¦who set a perfect example for relationships that prosper
♠MY MOM♠
•â€¦who taught me the importance of family
•â€¦who cared enough to ask
•â€¦who overcame her own adversities and instilled in me the same drive
•â€¦who laughed with me
•â€¦who taught me that it was ok to cry sometimes, and that crying was not a weakness
♠MY DAD♠
•â€¦who taught me to confront problems with intelligence rather than clenched fists
•â€¦who listened to what I had to say without interruption
•â€¦who let me speak when no one else would
•â€¦who had enough trust in me to take my side
•â€¦who has the best ‘flying sardinies’ in the world
•â€¦who served in the Air Force and served in Vietnam and was able to find beauty in small wonders amidst a war to share with his children years later
♠MY BROTHER♠
•â€¦who looked up to me and served as a constant reminder to make good choices
•â€¦who reinforces to me that genuine people still exist
•â€¦who I admire for overcoming challenges presented to him as a child
•â€¦who serves as an endless pit of laughter and smiles via childhood memories
•â€¦who could never keep surprises a secret because he was just too excited
•â€¦who truly treats people as he would like to be treated
•â€¦who, now that I look back at it, truly knew what he wanted to do since the age of two. . .to be an ‘Army Man’
•â€¦who enlisted in the army, and left May 15, 2006. . .reminding me the infinite amount of courage he possessed that I hadn’t quite realized before
♠MY GRANDMA♠
•â€¦who reminds me that age is relative
•â€¦who proves that you ARE as young as you feel
•â€¦who holds true to her beliefs
•â€¦who is nearly 90 and takes no medication, and is more fit than many half her age
♠MY HUSBAND♠
•â€¦who supports my decisions
•â€¦who makes me laugh more than anyone I know
•â€¦who loves me more than I could have ever asked for
•â€¦who never ceases to amaze me
♠U.S. SOLDIERS♠
•â€¦Past, Present and Future
•â€¦who despite societal views, risk their lives daily for the better good of our country
•â€¦who sacrifice all that they have in the pursuit of freedom
•â€¦who sign the dotted line with no guarantees for their futures
•â€¦ War is an ugly thing but not the ugliest of things; the decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feelings which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. A man who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself. John Stuart Mill
♠TEACHERS♠
•â€¦who instill the importance of creative thinking
•â€¦who challenge their pupils to question facts before adopting them truth
•â€¦who encourage their students to settle for nothing less than the best
♠FINALLY♠
•â€¦all firefighters whose courage is undeniably remarkable
•â€¦all police who serve to protect and are uncorrupt
•â€¦all rescue individuals whose duty is to save the life of their fellow man
•â€¦people who diligently work to make changes in their communities where problems exist, rather than merely protesting
♠MYSELF♠
•â€¦I never cease to amaze myself
•â€¦I will not accept mediocrity
•â€¦I maintain my individuality regardless of the rifts it may cause in the mainstream of my daily living
Take a moment and be thankful for the freedoms that you and I enjoy on a daily basis. Also take a moment to remember the tragedy that happend on September 11,2001. Never forget those that we lost and those who sacrificed their lives in the events that made 9/11/01 what it was and is. Last, but not least, support our troops. Help them to remember they are not forgotten and that their bravery is commendable. SUPPORT OUR TROOPS!!!
"True heroism is remarkably sober, very undramatic. It is not the urge to surpass all others at whatever cost, but the urge to serve others, at whatever cost." Arthur Ashe

My Blog

A Struggle From Within

Madness, sedated, cringing, struggling, discomfort, lying on the floor, tears mingle with sweat. All movement stops, insanity strengthens, as the beat of her heart intensifies in decibel. Sudden reco...
Posted by Sy_KoT_iK™ on Sun, 14 Jan 2007 01:52:00 PST