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Joshua

About Me

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I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Cardinals, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after work, I repair electrical appliances free of charge. I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me. I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me. I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis, but I have yet to meet you!
29 random things people should know about you (by ME NATALIE)
1 When I was born, my parents owned a flower shop.
2 I was called the flower-child
3 When I was 5 I nearly cut my ear off in an accident
4 My ear had to be taped on because doctors couldn't stitch it.
5 Van Gogh is my favorite artist
6 I was voted most artistic in high school
7 When I was 10 I started in competitive speeh.
8 I got a perfect score from 3 judges for my performance as Judas Iscariot
9 I got a scholarship for acting in college.
10 I earned a degree in elementary education.
11 I taught as a sub in every grade from pre-k - 8th
12 I taught 4th grade in the St. Louis City School Dist.
13 I no longer teach.
14 I once got a $75 fine for drinking Gatoraide on the Metro-Link
15 I've seen Barenaked Ladies 12 times in concert.
16 I won a private concert to see BNL.
17 I rode my bike 150 miles to raise money for MS.
18 I love the Muppets...
19 and the Beatles.
20 I named my dog Jude after the song.
21 I couldn't live without coffee.
22 I want to complete a triathlon before I'm 30.
23 I want to go white water rafting in Colorado.
24 My brother's name is Marcus, I call him Marco.
25 He calls me Polo.
26 I am a die hard Cardinals fan.
27 I met my childhood hero, Mark McGwire, in 1997.
28 I lost all respect for him after his congressional testimony.
29 but I'm not here to talk about the past
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