welcome to my myspace. my name's gill . gillian if my gran's asking. call me what you may. i don't care. i'll answer to it anyway. unless it's gildo. i don't particularly take to my name rhyming with a sex toy. so yeah, in a nutshell i'm a passive agressive, sarcastic little madam. but hey, am i bovvered?
i'm not going to sit and describe myself as small, brown hair, glasses and all the rest of it. if you're really interested, look at the girl in the pictures. i look uncannily like her. the basics? i'm officially old enough to drink, have sex, smoke, vote and drive. it doesn't mean i do them all though. i'm at university studying something to do with physics. i actually couldn't tell you much about it. like more than half of the population of airdrie and coatbridge, i work in becogent selling pantee girdles to deaf old women. it's not ideal, but hey, it covers my obsession with scratchcards, vodka and apple sourz.
i can be considered the most complicated or simple girl you'll ever meet; take your pick. i'm an attention seeker, most of the time. i’m not shy. i can talk to strangers as easily as i can friends but i love my friends, they are the family i chose for myself.
i find it hard to explain myself, not because i'm complex, [because i’m really not], the right words just don't seem to come to me. finding the right words to express what i'm feeling, i just can't do it. then i get tongue-tied and start babbling life a baffoon until someone stops me. i like things that speak for themselves. i can't go far wrong that way.
i think i say far too much. i know i've written far too much on this, but i just can't seem to stop. i sit down and i think of something else that might make me come across as somewhat more interesting. make me seem less of a one trick pony. emma said that most people see me as "a pure lol so to speak" and i think that's pretty accurate. it's what i do best, sometimes it's all i can do. i have all of these words of advice inside for when people need them, but then my sarcasm kicks in and you'll leave never getting what you came for. but just once, give me a chance, i might just surprise you.
i may seem to have this hard shell, as if no feelings or emotions ever penetrate it. but they do, a lot. i'm a complete sucker for love and romance and all the slushy stuff. sit me down in front of the tv and i can almost guarantee you i'll cry at whatever i'm watching. even adverts. i am one of the few people who actually seems to believe in love at first sight. you've got to keep the faith. who doesn't like the idea that you could see someone tomorrow and he could be the love of your life? it's very romantic. and don't even get me started on soulmates.
i have a weird sense of humour and usually laugh at most things. something which has become somewhat of a habbit. everything i see is funny to me in some way. everything that people say to me is funny to me in some way. as a rough rule of thumb, when i say i'm not laughing at you, chances are i am. jenny always goes on about this giggle loop or something, about laughing at the most inappropriate times and places ... guilty as charged. life's all about being happy, about finding joy in everything. i guess that's my philosophy on life ... that laughter is the best medicine.
i always thought i was ok with change. you know, that change is good. but now i'm beginning to doubt that. some change is good, don't get me wrong. but other things, well it's just wrong. and then there's decisions. why are they so hard to make. or so hard to stick to? people tell us what to do, offer their advice. still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. we have to make our own mistakes and learn our own lessons. until we truly realise that knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying.
i think that, like a lot of people, i romanticise too much. about what my life could be like. or worse, of what other people's lives are like. i used to be all for the grass being greener on the other side, but do you know what? i'm not so sure if it is. sure, life is messy. it has it's ups and it's downs, but it's life. for all the wrongs i've done, there are few rights in there too. and when all is said and done, i wouldn't swap my life for anyone's. unless victoria beckham was offering of course.
music, tv and movies are my escapist methods of choice. there is always a song or a scene from a film that just sums up exactly what i'm feeling. oh and i have a penchant for becoming way too emotionally connected to fictional characters. i have trouble understanding the simple concept that when drew died in neighbours, it wasn't real. although it felt it. i still miss him.
i zone out a lot. maybe too much. i get easily distracted my all of the voices in my head. and then i tend to focus on one thing to the exclusion of others, which occasionally ends in me walking head-first into lampposts, not hearing what someone just said, offending people when i don't pay attention to them, or otherwise just having no idea what's going on. in a nutshell, that's my physics degree.
i don't believe in regrets. sure there are things i wish i had never said, things i had never done and definitely emails i had never sent. hindsight is a wonderful thing isn't it? i've made mistakes. by the bucketload, i'm not going to pretend otherwise. but when it comes down to it, every little detail of your life is what made you into who you are in the end. every decision i've made, whether wrong or right, has got me to where i am now. and hell, i'm good with that.
i've also learnt a lot about friends this year. who my real ones are. everyone seems to be doing that nowadays though. probably because it’s so hard to find the real ones amongst the complete arseholes. also just because people drift apart, doesn't automatically erase them from ‘true friend’ status. once a true friend, always a true friend. all you can do is wish them luck and always love them. and as for the complete arseholes, well they’re just not worth my time.
i think that just about covers it. if you've got this far, i'm impressed. give yourself a gold star, or a pat on the back for reading all of this. and message me because i love you for it. at the end of the day, i'm just me. make of me what you will. add me. don’t add me. either way i’ll still sleep tonight.
♥ ♥ ♥
