Donald - ProfilesArchive

About Me

Where do I begin? At the beginning, that's where! I was born a small purple boy in rural Kansas many, many years ago. At a young age I knew I was different then most people (ie better and sexier despite the fact I have yet to locate a penis on myself) so I took up show biz. First as a lark, then as a career, and finally as a way to score crack. I started in Vaudeville, and quickly moved on to feature films and radio commercials. (None of which you have ever heard of, so I will not mention them here.) I also had a few mildly unsuccessful runs on "The Muppet Show, "Sesame Street," and "Entertainment Tonight," where I was a featured broadcast journalist specializing in celebrity nipple slips. Then, according to my press packet, I disappeared for nearly two decades. When I almost died again in '05, I decided to go legit, and joined the comedy brainiacs at Damn You Banana.com. So I'm there usually. Or here. Or at Abe's Tavern on the corner of 7th and Jeremiah. So drop by, grab a pint (but if my parole officer is there remember: I only frequent Abe's because I'm in a dart league) and we'll have a good time. A damn-skippy purplicious time! Baby!

My Interests

I'd like to meet:

Kathy Lee Gifford and shit in her shoes.

My Blog

Coming soon!!!

I've been awfully busy lately. Traveling the country to do personal appearances and book signings. Why? WHY?!?!?! Because finally, my unauthorized autobiography is being released! I haven't been give...
Posted by on Mon, 21 Aug 2006 18:55:00 GMT

Prom Was Great!

So prom was apparently great. I don't remember going. I don't even know who this woman is. All I know is I woke up reeking of vodka and cheap vodka, and I had a $350 limo bill stapled to my taint. If...
Posted by on Tue, 06 Jun 2006 22:11:00 GMT

I'm Back In Movies! (kinda)

OK, so its not quite what I was hoping for. Sadly, it's a lot like my first break into pictures, way back in the early 50s. In any case, Donald is slowly rising back to the top! Very, very slowly. Al...
Posted by on Tue, 11 Apr 2006 19:35:00 GMT

Family Album

I was going through the ol' Donald Family Album, and came across this one of my uncle, Mac Pumpkinman. He was a former NFL referee. Like a lot of us in the Pumpkinman Blood Line, he had his is...
Posted by on Thu, 23 Mar 2006 19:40:00 GMT

Go Doniski, go!

My cousin, Doniski der VioletPumpkinMench from Germany is currently ripping it up over in Italy right now! While I usually hate each and everything not from America- apart from Jagermeister, Vodka, a...
Posted by on Wed, 15 Feb 2006 19:04:00 GMT

American UN-Idol!

I'm sure you all saw me last week trying out to be the next American Idol. If you didn't . . . Randy Jackson: "You're just doin' your thing, dawg. Doin' it old school."Paula Abdul: "You have a great ...
Posted by on Sun, 05 Feb 2006 23:26:00 GMT

Family Shame

Oh, the rumor mills are having a fucking field day with this one. For the last time, NO, this is NOT me. It is my cousin, Indigo al-Pumpkinman. He is a high-priced attorney, and he took it upon himse...
Posted by on Mon, 30 Jan 2006 17:32:00 GMT

A Haiku by Donald

The following is a haiku. "So What If I Drink?It's Not Like You're So PerfectI'll Shit In Your Shoes." Thank you.
Posted by on Mon, 16 Jan 2006 20:17:00 GMT

New Year's Resolutions

Holy crap, the new year is finally here. Well, it's been here for almost 10 days. Ten of the crappiest days of a new year in recent history. Honestly, I haven't been impressed with a new year since Y...
Posted by on Tue, 10 Jan 2006 19:15:00 GMT