I want to meet the guy who invented the credit card. That man must've been an F'ing genius.
Honestly, I would love to meet the Judd who is minutes away from death. I would love to ask him for one piece of advice from his (hopefully!) lengthy life. It seems as though every life lesson I have learned comes too late. So old, bald, overweight Judd, I'm counting on you buddy!
Adam Carolla. He's one of the smartest people ever! Here are some quotes that should help you understand where my zany, metaphoric sense of humor comes from:
"The only chance we have for survival, as a country and as a planet is if idiots stop having kids. Listen: either don't screw up your kids, or don't have any! It's a lot like owning a horse: If you can't keep it in a stall, feed it some hay, and brush it down once in a while, then don't have one! Do you see what I mean? Just don't have one and let it rot in the yard!"
"Listen up, fathers: if you want to mistreat your young daughter, congratulations. You'll be seeing her in a porn movie later on."
"If you're a guy, you have absolutely NO idea what's going on at any time in the relationship, EVER. Here's what you know: you know when you're getting laid, and you know when it's all over. Those are the only two things you're aware of."
"Sometimes it sucks to be a straight guy. Take being in a shower room. Gay guys get to see all the naked guys they want, lesbians get to see all the naked girls they want, and for straight girls its like being at a car show; you get to admire all the nice breasts and butts like they are a nice Porsche. But us straight guys, the people who work the hardest and bring in the bacon get nothing to show for it! Sometimes I hate life."I'll put more on later. I gotta run!