.:[ȷαĸi.ϋ.judicious]:.

everything happens for a reason
destiny exists
fate is real
"Wisely, and slow;
they stumble that run fast."
this 'about me' is not for you. it is a way of keeping record of my self-observations and there is no expectation of you to read it, but you can if you want.
i am 17. have my learners licence but im scared ill kill someone. like most teenage girls, i have issues with my weight. my eyes change colour depending on my mood. the darker they are, the happier i am. i overthink EVERYTHING! every little detail of every situation. its good sometimes, bad most of the time. i associate songs with people. and mostly with guys i like. i fall fast and hard. i go to bed too late. n wake up too early. people sometimes come to me with their problems. i always help as much as i can. but i wish i could help more. a lot of people would consider me a strong person. but im not. i work at the cambo coles. checkout chic. i love my work. it gives me an opportunity to think n clear my mind. i walk fast when im stressed or upset. when im stressed, im really fragile. the tiniest things will send me on a downward spiral. i have braces. im constantly missing heaps of people. i have really crap nails. always breaking. damn. im not a strong believer of god. i have a stronger belief that we all have a destiny. all my assignments are done at the last minute. yet i get high marks. i love food. i love trains. i love using my brain for things that matter. i love really early morning walks. i love late night trips to coles. i love the little things in life. i make jewellery. i need to be needed. my feel good song is bouncing off the walls again by sugarcult. it always makes me smile. i'm really jealous with friends. im fine with them being close friends with other people, but it scares me when they seem to forget me. i constantly fear losing the people closest to me . i'm impatient and stubborn. i don't forgive and forget. i don't hold grudges. i simply store in the back of my mind. its hard to gain my trust, but easy to lose it. i love high heels. i have slight bouts of OCD. i will always close zips, arrange my books from biggest to smallest, turn off powerpoints and tuck in chairs. i'm replaceable. i truly believe that. my broken relationships have helped me to learn a lot about myself and my faults. my mind has a tendency to clutter. n there are very few people who can fix it. your advice probably won't work. i like science and maths. im a numbers girl. me and my mum have inside jokes that are lame, but we think they're hilarious. i absolutely love the rain. i love walking in the rain. its the best time to think. i love walking along the island in the middle of mulgoa road, it has strange symbolism. i get embarrassed easily. i don't eat beef. i hate the smell of milk and love the smell of dettol. i am a virgin. and i want to lose my virginity to a virgin. despite believing that everything happens for a reason, i have SO many regrets. i like messaging. i hate getting calls. particularly when they're unexpected. message me first. i rarely believe statistics. i will NEVER say i love you unless i truly mean it. i am incredulous. i probably won't believe your lies. you cannot impress me with them. i am cynical: i am pessimistic and i will question your motives. my stress is often unnecessary and irrational. the only way to make a hot man hotter: give him an accent. i love men with accents. i am a control freak. i am observant, i will notice the little irrelevant details. my speed at work depends on how deep i am in thought. i have a thing for coles boys. ive been told that im precocious. if i say "sure", i either don't know, don't care or don't want to admit the truth. it rarely means 'yes'. i put too much dressing on my salads. i hate people watching me brushing my teeth or doing my make-up. i am attracted to suave. i love the american teen dating scene that you see in movies. i take the stairs , not the escalator. i share a room with my 19-yr-old brother. i love walking barefoot through gardens. i am both a morning and night person. i hate midday. i believe that if you predict an event in detail, you prevent it from occurring. i love windows during the day, but hate them at night. although i'm pessimistic at times, optimistic even more rarely, i'm predominantly a realist. i contradict myself all the time. i regret things when it's too late to change and i will always ask, 'what if...?' i hate TV but love movies. i will eat just about anything salt & vinegar. i'm the girl who collects rocks instead of shells; marvels at leaves instead of flowers; and chases moths instead of butterflies. i kiss my mobile phone screen when i send or receive a meaningful message. i'm odd that way, get over it. i am fickle. about everything... commitment, it's not my thing. not yet. or perhaps i just haven't found the right boy. i am the fallen hero of my own personal tragedy; victim to my underlying self-assurance of my academic abilities. i do not believe in luck. i do not believe in karma. i do not believe in coincidence. i take forever to reply to messages, if i reply at all. do not take it personally. i collect those little white plastic sticks that come with the small nutella packs. i love intellectual debates. the way to my heart is through the dictionary. i prefer to stand when on a bus. i like answering personal questions. i have an ex-box. i hate public speaking. my greatest sense of envy is towards those who can sing, dance, or play an instrument. my conscience is heavy. i still feel guilty about things that happened when i was four. i do not believe in the use of drugs for emotional escape. in fact, i detest it. edited as of 16/3/09. i want a boy who doesn't kiss and tell. i think i shall stop now. n add more later.
aidan.
no matter what happens, he's always there.
he catches me when i'm crashing.
and always knows what to say.
<3

"When life offers you a dream
so far beyond any of your expectations,
it's not reasonable to grieve
when it comes to an end."
an old message that i sent to sam on the 10th june (yes, 6 months ago)
in regards to my belief that everything happens for a reason,
but my inability to find the reason of me reading the book twilight...
You know how i search for a reason for everything? There has to be a reason for this book. That i felt so driven to read it. Something has to come from this. Maybe its cause i havent liked anyone in a couple months, n this is filling the gap, distracting my thoughts. But it has to be more. Its leading me to something. Or preparing me for something. Or maybe it will help me to realise something. Im not sure, but im searching every corner and crevice of my mind, hunting for an answer; a reason...
i'm still looking.