Eddie, has anyone ever told you you're bad luck?
Cousin Eddie: Those were my mother's dying words. But I guess if your body's covered in third degree burns, and your foot's caught in a bear trap, you tend to start talkin' crazy.
I LIKE... playing frisbee till birds start chirping..religiously going to target every sunday..cutting cuticles[REARRANGING MY ROOM TO BOB SEGAR'S 'AGAINST THE WIND' AND CHANGING THE LYRICS IN CORRESPONDING ORDER AS TO HOW I WOULD LIKE MY ROOM TO LOOK]..picking scabs..picking other peoples scabs..popping zits..popping other peoples zits..smoking cigarettes in the bathtub..waving at the man in the moon..driving underneath airplanes landing..[BUYING AIRFRESHNERS]..cutting coupons with intentions to use them, but dont..[yelling 'WATERGATE', when something seems suspiciously shady]anyone who appreciates the forbidden zone..when people think that "masticating" is referencing to something dirty..sending/receiving text messages..[PINNING MY HAIR BACK WITH OFFICE SUPPLIES]..making grills out of aluminum foil..smoking capris..[MAKING FOAM FINGERS OUT OF CARDBOARD DEMONSTRATING THE "SHOCKER" POSITION] ..[PEOPLE THAT LOOK LIKE THE HILLS HAVE EYES]smelling my nosering..making lists of things to do and revising them..[BRUSHING MY TEETH IN THE KITCHEN]..highlighting everything..saying the word "beaver" without laughing..driving on E..gas station coffee..[SQUEEZING MY BUTT CHEEKS TOGETHER FOLLOWED BY TRYING TO CONVINCE MYSELF THAT WHAT I JUST DID WAS CONSIDERED A WORKOUT]..listening to comedians while cleaning..[TRANSITION LENSES]beer breath..when my fingernails grow past my tips..[CALIFORNIA DUSTING]..sending people cards in the mail..[HALLOWEEN COSTUMES MODELED AFTER CONTROVERSIAL CHARACTERS IN THE MEDIA]whistling..making mixed cd's..[BLARING THE HEAT UNTIL MY EYEBALLS DRY OUT]remembering ridiculous details that most dont recall..cooking random objects in fryers..test-driving clothes by wearing them with the tags on then returning them..[TOSSING SMOKE DETECTORS IN DUMPSTERS WHILE THEY ARE DETECTING FAUX SMOKE]..chewing the side of my lip..getting mail..making T-shirts..cars withT-tops..sleeping in the sun..[GETTING MY EYELIDS MASSAGED WITH BRUSHES]..buying movies under 10 dollars..writing my name over and over..eating more than 2 pieces of gum at one time..ordering off the dollar menu..going to mcdonalds on valentines day and still ordering off the dollar menu..[RED HOUSEHOLD APPLIANCES]..baked potatoes..eye crust in the morning or any time of the day..getting green lights..shaving my eyebrows not plucking them..[THEME PARTIES]..finding nostalgic items from my past..harmonizing to songs..the wrinkle in between my eyebrows when the sun is in my eyes..sleeping with my contacts in..talking one on one..cleaning my purse out in restaurants..making hot garbage comments in reference to odors..wearing sandals in the wintertime..blood fights..dropping off garbage in peoples lawns if it isnt garbage night in my neighborhood..nails clicking on a keyboard..making up my own nicknames..songs that are particularly mocked by others..imitating my mom helen..not cashing my paychecks..eating things burnt..lightning..power outtages..drinking Arnold Palmers, but referring to them as Robert Palmers..taking the first spoonful of peanut butter from a freshly open jar..pin up girl tattoos..tearing pictures out of library books..birthmarks..motorcycles with sidecars..smell of campfires..[SIMULCAST RACING]..driving in a snowstorm at night and turning my car lights off..[MEASURING OUT THINGS BY HOLDING MY FINGERS REALLY STILL BEFORE I HANG SOMETHING UP]..when people trip and fall..scenes in westerns where someone shoots their pistols at ones feet and demands a dance..laryngitis..people that look like famous people..[RIDING SPIRIT OF 76 HUFFY'S]..post-it notes..sneezing consecutively..talking about old tv episodes and laughing hysterically..shiny nails..working out in a full length mirror to pop songs..NORTONS FURNITURE..jason..rolling change in order to survive and wondering if toenails count as currency..ordering billboards for people's birthdays..feeding horses peppermints..***********************************************
*************DISLIKE..throwing up..when people bring more than 10 items in the 10 items of less lane..changing late night TV line ups..there being 2 Becky's on Roseanne..Influenza..zits that give you headaches..chubby cheeks..[WHEN MY MUSCLES GO LIMP FROM LAUGHING] Endoscopys and root canals..[BILL COLLECTORS]always being paranoid....itches on the palms of my hands..marching bands in the distance..having a "bad side" in photos..the little piece of flub right between the armpit and the boob..[FEARING MY TEETH WILL FALL OUT]..the fact that hypochondriasis is real..people that change..giving advice but not taking my own..when pens run out of ink..stains on new clothes..[LIGHTING THE WRONG END OF A CIGARETTE]..mathematical equations..when i pick my skin to the point where it burns..morning breath..expiration dates..fascination over serial killers, but being terrified of death..having my dog's cremated ashes as opposed to actually having my dog..when armpits smell like onions..when people comment on my weight/age..scooping ice cream..[RED TAGGED STOVES]..hearing cat puke splatter..when my contact gets fused to my eye; it makes me gag..sweat above the upper lip..misplacing things..three square meals a day..Nelly Furtado..never seeing a shooting star..TV commercials that make me cry..blood clots..when people catch me singing..MORTON SALT CONTAINERS..TV DINNERS (that is lonely people food..toothpaste in the corners of my mouth..when fingernails get so long that they bend backwards..chewing down on sand..looking like fred kruegar bc of my job..that one day i will end up on MY DEATHSPACE.com
