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hugs to all.. . ...BUT FIRST lets just say that my bday is april 2nd :) so thanks for those who have wished me Happy Birthday already.. i really apprecaite being seen by others and it makes me feel great you pay attention to some details others havn't.. . ...RIGHT NOW in my life .. i'm going through alot of changes.. after 7 years of basicly bottling up my life.. and 5.2 years since my mom passed away.. in January someone helped me greatly in coming out of a dark place in my life (ryan) who i miss and wish he would come back into my life somehow someday :-( . He's going through alot of his own problems but hope he finds his way in his own life and i wish him the best.. . ...But he helped me realize that i hid from the world... and stopped living.. i'm bascily no different than i was 7 years ago.. and it took alot of soul searching to realize that i'm a lost soul trying to find a new path and new direction in my life.. . ...I'm looking for NEW FRIENDS and want to be close to someone special in my life (Eli) whom means alot to me... . ...Alot of you recently have opened up your hearts and brought me into your life (brett) (todd) (robert) (Brett)(kyKy) (christian) (Charlie) (rickey) and (Brad) and others which i can only say THANK YOU FOR BEING JUST YOU, I"m GLAD I HAVE YOU NOW IN MY LIFE... . ...MY ROOMATE CHRIS who is just awsome.. str8 and my only real friend in person in the world right now (we are like the perfect odd couple you would laugh) he's nothing like you would or could imagine .. i will post some pictures of him soon if i can... . ...I dont know what i would do without any of you in my life.. and i look forward to making many more new and closer friends in the next year as i learn to evolve and change once again... . ...I'm looking for a NEWER job to get more pay and better my life once again. But i will never get there alone... . ...(Todd) reached out to me in a way others havn't.. and i can only say thank you from the bottom of my heart for just being there for me... . ...What is friendship.. its an unconditional bond where you give yourself freely to those around you expecting nothing in return except friendship and respect back... . ...I only know how to feel.. and trust me as you get to know me.. feelings are something i have more than enough of to go around for everyone... . ...Now .. about me .. hmmmm ... don't know if there is enough room for it all... . ...I'm 5'7 brown hair with blue eyes... about 160lbs athletic build... live alone with my dog(s) Toy & Pika (waiting for him to come)... . ...Toy is a Pomeranian and Pika will be a all White with Blue eyes Miniature Alaskian Husky... . ...I have been in 3 serious relationships 1 relationship short lived but just as meaningful to me (ry) and have found that i'm more of that type of person than a clubber or just out to get some play. At this point in my life alots happened in the last 7 years. as a result i have changed alot... . ...Not only who i am and how i act but how i look at life and what makes me happy i have had to refind or create... . ...Now this is the part that you either read on and go blah blah or actually take interest in someone... . ...Just a little over 5 years ago 11/02 my mom passed away... i had taken care of her most of my life... actually all my life... so when she passed away i realized how fake people where and how selfish alot of people are in socal. I was adopted and so as a result i no longer have any family of my own with little or no real freinds (cept for 4 or 5) that are even in my life at this point... . ...I have blocked out most of the world up till about 5 months ago when i started taking baby steps out of my shell and trying to recreate who i am and find who i want to be ... and most of all find someone i want to be with... . ...Much harder than it seems... One relationship was 3 years long .. he lived in phoenix and i lived in socal... would drive there every other weekend to see him.. just to have him turn around 1 month before i was suppose to move there to be in an open relationship... to say the least i said no pretty damn quick... . ...Another relationship was before my mom passed away... and he refused to give me support and only one month before she passed, he wanted me to choose between him or her. To say the least, that also was a very simple response... . ...A relationship, friendship or any type or interaction is based on trust, helping and being there for others. I have spent most of my life being there for other people to find that its not the normal way people really are in the world... and in someways i have blocked out the world because of that, but i have changed or at least i have let it really change who i am inside... i just avoid the people and crowds that tend to be fake, plastic, self centered and serving... . ...So thats the basics of who and what i am now.. (if you got this far.. trust me i'm more complicated than it seems and as gentle and as careing as it seems above
