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Yeah, this is where I'm supposed to tell you all about me. Well the life I'm living starts really when I was three and diagnosed with a life threatening disease. It was down hill from the begining. I was diagnosed with a rare disease that effects the nail plate, caused by too much keratin. I grew up in and out of hospitals and nail salons. By the time I was 5 I was fluent in Vietnamese, those ladies are great (yes they are making fun of you ladies when you are in there and they all start laughing). I was chosen as the Lee Press On Nail poster child in the late eighties at ripe old age of 7. I reigned over all things Acrylic until I was 12, travelng all over the world showing off what fake nails could do for a kid with a finger nial disease. When I was 12, I was diagnosed with nasal alopecia. Apparently all of time spent in those Vietnamese nail salons caused me to get sick in a different way, who knew in the eighies that nail dust could be breathed in and trapped in your nasal cavities. Well when the folks over at Lee Press On found out that I had nasal hair baldness, they thought it was allow big pieces of air born partical to get breathed in and cause me to become deathly ill. So they released me from contract and took back all ten of the nails that I was currently wearing, since I was no longer their poster child. Which was sad for me, I mean in wood shop at school when I got into Junior High, every miss of the nail with that hammer, really hurt. You think hitting your fingers with a hammer hurts, try it with no protecting nail. To this day whenever I see a hammer anywhere, I shout out in a turret like fashion things like "ouch, mother f*@#er, damn you hammer, why me?". You can imagine what it's like walking into a Sears Hardware or Lowes and having to pass by the tool section. Yeah quite embarrassing! I stand in fromt of the hammers and stare and shout. Then I have to hold my fingers up and point at them show other customers know why I'm shouting absenities at hammers. The good news is that when I turned 14, the fine folks over at Rogain gave me a call. They wanted to help me out with my loss of nose hair. They decided to give me years supply of their product in a paste like form to smear in my nose 3 times a day. Once in the morning, once around lunch and once in the evening. Which i thought was fantastic, maybe it would keep me from getting cancer from breathing in things I shouldn't thru my nose. Well I was doing the process for almost a month when the school year started. If anybody would have told me I would be picking my nose in front of the whole school my freshman year, I would have said noway, I don't want nose hair. But it didn't work out that way. The whole school year, everytime I went to smear in my Rogain someone would see me. I started going to the bathroom to do it which was fine, but sometimes when I came out of the stall, I would have a white powdery residue left around my nose. All of the other students would see it. Well I guess someone alerted our school safety officer to my "cocain use" and one day when I came out of the stall, I was slammed by Pat our security officer. Yeah she hit me with such a force that a landed face down in a urinal on a wet wet floor. The urinal cake was made of something really hard because it busted me teeth out... Ask me more if you want here about the rest of the 11 years of my life after that point .
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