What can I say about myself except that I have been compared to a bottle of fine wine and an old shoe...:p. One of my pals said I am like an old shoe; I have been around, seen alot of places,things, people and I am worn out and bruised and have taken a beating in life. I thought that was a pretty humorous way to look at myself. The other anology is kinda tacky, because you may or may not know the phrase " wine gets better with time". All I can say is I'm old...:p I don't mind, as long as I don't look it..hahaha, listen to me, so conceited. Anyway, I lost one of my good friends recently and it has made me think way differently about alot of things in my own life. How I should quit being a shithead and let go of somethings I have been harboring and really appreciate the good things with my life. I tend to date men that are missing some key aspect(job,absent father,etc.)in their life. Basic strays...lol. My one friend would say "quit picking up strays!"...lol. Now,I am just bored with relationships and need to find that real companion that wants to share the same ideas, beliefs and goals I have. But that man is hard to find because I don't have the same beliefs, ideas and goals as most men. I was married for three years to a man I thought was my soul mate, at least that is what my astrologist said...:p. I think we are soulmates but our timing is way off, maybe not for another decade?...:p Anyhow, I helped him in his life and I guess he wanted to divorce me because he didn't need my help anymore? I don't know. What are the reason's a man decides to divorce an awesome babe like me? Did I get too fat(probably), was I being a nag? (most likely) or did he try to upgrade and realized too late that he made a mistake? (definately). But we share custody of our son KJ and most of the guys I date still get a twinge jealous that I keep in contact with my baby daddy because I don't know?.... maybe these men I date are just immature and insecure?....Lol.It is always been an issue with these "men",(ha)that i date that i keep in such close contact with my baby daddy. They say things like "hmmm, sounds like you are still with your ex?.."..lol. I just bide my time with these beautiful people and like a fish in the water, I release them back in the spokane river(figure of speech, I am not a serial killer...lol) after I've had my amazement and wonder about them. I don't date old guys but i will be friend with guys over 35 ..lol. Something about a gross ugly body on top of me makes me wanna gag...lol. I look pretty young for my age so i still get lucky with the young dudes which is quite alright with me..lol. But anyway,I think it is important for my son to still have his dad in his life and I am willing to be civil and co-operative for this to continue. I meet too many good looking guys that are all fucked up because they didn't have a daddy in their lives. Not my son! He is going to be a superhero!...lol. At least that is what he told me after his dad took him to go see the movie "Iron man". I love my baby. Anyhow,it makes your soul feel good to help others. Why would anyone want to make it their life's ambition to become a rich asshole? In Cree culture, we try to conduct ourselves as the true 'Christians', because we live for eachother and not ourselves. Some people think I am a fool for being kind and i think they are fools for being so cruel all the time. I just pray that those people will get the answers they need and become better people in the end. Lately, something weird has been happening and one buddy said it is a sign. I keep running into this guy i met last summer. It is so strange and I dont know what to quite make of it myself. I met this man and well, he is awesome. But i have such a difficult time trying to approach him after our intial meeting. My other friends that know who i am talking about , wonder "why him"? I tell them "i don't know...lol". In my culture, the phenomenon of de ja vu is an act of fate. It can be taken seriously but it should taken as a sign of destiny, or turn for better or worse. In this case, I think it is for the better. Have you ever felt that weird feeling, like you have seen something happen before or you have experienced it but don't remember if it was yesterday or in a dream? Well, that was the kinda feeling or experience I had when I met this man.But the truth is, I am so afraid to talk to him because it is under mysterious cirumstances. It is weird, and I know I sound dumb, but this is how i actually feel. I tell my friends, that I can't approach him casually because he 's not 'just another guy' but "the guy for me"...hmmm, notice the difference? For a while I kept running into him alot last summer and then didn't see him all winter/spring, then outta blue, there he is again...lol. My friends tease me that i am stalking him, but I tell them, it it weird how i will be somewhere and there he is!...lol.So with that in mind, I should be true myself and start being real and just try live happy because i don't know to..For now I listen to alot of music by Matthew Good because everything else sounds like crap to me...lol. I plan on seeing him play in concert in Vancouver, I try to strive for something to live for....
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