Chuck SMASH!!!!! profile picture

Chuck SMASH!!!!!

How many times have I prayed I'd get lost along the way? How many times have I prayed the angels wou

About Me

I rule like Nero. Insane and unbalanced with a touch of bad fiddle playing and just enough stability for you to THINK you know what I'm doing next. Then I get to SCHOOL your lousy ass and burn your useless wine-swilling pigsty!

My Interests

Home-brewing. Darts. Disc golf. Yoga. Needling pin-headed gaffs who let the likes of Jon Bon Jovi and Kevin Costner make their political decisions for them. Pretty much all the things YOU should enjoy, jackass.

I'd like to meet:

I'd say "God" here, but I tried looking for him/her/it one time on a heavy-duty acid trip and all I got was lost in a gas station.

Music:

Listening to one of the following makes you not an idiot, two makes you near human, three and I'll almost talk to you...Tool, A Perfect Circle, Sepultura, Mudvayne, Frank Sinatra, Slayer, Motorhead, Dean Martin, Big Bad Voodoo Daddy, Bad Religion, Anthrax, Ray Charles, Social Distortion, Overkill, Clutch, Leahy, Rage Against the Machine, Seven Nations, Stonesour, Slipknot, Rusted Root, Umphrey's McGee, The Toadies, The Prodigy, Fear Factory, B.B. King, Muddy Waters, Dropkick Murphys, Empirion, Diecast.

Movies:

The Quiet Man. Braveheart. Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels. Snatch. The Way of the Gun. Star Wars. Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead. Shaun of the Dead. Serenity. Dark City. Anything not made by Michael Moore, because he's a big fat hypocritical twatty. Or Maximum Overdrive, because that flick's a big stinking turdpile.

Television:

Heroes, Anthony Bourdain's No Reservations and Glann Beck are my dirty little secrets. Other than that, the boob tube's usually on TLC, Discovery Channel, History Channel, A&E or Comedy Central if its on at all. Shit rots your brain, man.

Books:

Reading the following books will give you the closest thing you'll ever have to an Operator's Manual for your Chuck SMASH!!!!..."Night" by Elie Weisel, "The Alchemist" by Paulo Coelho, "Stranger in a Strange Land" by Robert Heinlein, "The Dark Tower" by Stephen King, "Name of the Rose" by Umberto Eco, and "Dune" by Frank Herbert. "The Belgariad and The Mallorean" cycle by David Eddings. Pretty much anything *not* written by Dan Brown. (no warranty implied or intended)

Heroes:

Mark Twain. Terry Jacobus. Alan Ginsburg. Henry Rollins. Catallus. Maynard James Keenan. Charlie Papazian. Jim Koch. Anybody who beat up Michael Moore when he was just the fat kid in junior high whining about how important his useless opinion was.

My Blog

Catch ya on the flip side.

Due to the fact I have recently flipped my shit, I have decided to take my work underground...as it were...in order to prevent myself from going completely bat-shit crazy.  Bottom line, I'm going...
Posted by Chuck SMASH!!!!! on Fri, 12 Sep 2008 02:12:00 PST

Meet my spleen, you useless cunts.

News flash, ya bunch of shitheads:I DO NOT HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS!For fuck's sake, sometimes I don't think I have any of them for my own questions. So what the hell makes you morons think that I have A...
Posted by Chuck SMASH!!!!! on Fri, 18 Jul 2008 07:50:00 PST

Live proud or die sniveling.

You know, everyone's life can just fucking blow from time to time. Hell, even I have my off days. Keep your off days to a minimum by following my own personal "RULES TO LIVE BY!!!!!"No, really...I'm...
Posted by Chuck SMASH!!!!! on Fri, 27 Jun 2008 10:48:00 PST

Creativity goes kaka.

So I sat here trying to write a witty bunch of bullshit about Bad Religion because after five years I finally went out and picked up a new copy of The Gray Race after some asshole stole a bunch of my ...
Posted by Chuck SMASH!!!!! on Tue, 17 Jun 2008 08:21:00 PST

Veggies, Part the First

You may have noticed that the world is just chock full of annoyances, pains-in-the-ass, morons, and downright, foolhardy, useless trundling idiocy. Well, if you haven't, I sure as hell have. This on...
Posted by Chuck SMASH!!!!! on Thu, 12 Jun 2008 07:26:00 PST

The ongoing saga...

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh...Tuesday is dart night with the guys. Throw some low tons, sip a few homebrews, laugh at Wellman, cringe a bit after a few bad jokes, and, of course...ARGUE NINJA VERSUS PIRATE!!!!Not ...
Posted by Chuck SMASH!!!!! on Tue, 01 Apr 2008 07:33:00 PST

How in the HELL...

***Author's note: If you're feeling overly patriotic or have the tendancy to believe that I'm some kind of Pinko...enjoy the read FIRST.  You can go off and fuck yourself SECOND.  And if you...
Posted by Chuck SMASH!!!!! on Wed, 12 Sep 2007 07:27:00 PST

I am amongst the greatest of men! And humbled, even!

YEOWZA!  Are some of you stupid fuckers important or WHAT?!?!?!  Here I am cruisin' MySpace and lookee here...some of you are knights, some of you are pirates, some of you are so damn import...
Posted by Chuck SMASH!!!!! on Thu, 12 Jul 2007 07:30:00 PST

What to be, what to be, what to be...?

My name is Chuck and I've always wanted to get off of this planet, go to The Academy and be a TIE Fighter Pilot, except that the damn Rebel scum blew up not one but TWO Death Stars and then the Empero...
Posted by Chuck SMASH!!!!! on Fri, 11 May 2007 06:51:00 PST

ANOTHER reason to celebrate the 5th of May!

Happy National Homebrew Day all of you Bud/Miller/Coors drinking scrubs!  Hunt me down in six weeks to test out the finished product of the Blackberry Pale Ale we're brewing today to celebrate! I...
Posted by Chuck SMASH!!!!! on Sat, 05 May 2007 08:43:00 PST