My name is John-Paul and I have been known to lie from time to time. I'm turning over a new leaf and setting the record straight. These are the painfully honest facts:
I am abnormally amused by poop. The word "gross" rarely comes out of my mouth. I have no middle name. I'm a sucker for romance and though I hate horror movies, I am often bullied into seeing them. My perfect meal is callaloo, rice and macaroni pie. I am a vegetarian. I have a twin brother who also serves as my stunt double. I enjoy playing guitar,hanging out/drinking with friends, and Halo. I hate the cold. I'm a naturally shy person but I open up once I get to know you. One of my testicles hangs lower than the other.
I have yet to hit puberty. Rogaine does not promote the growth of chest hair but my hairline now grows lower than it should. I have common-law wives in six different countries and illegitimate children of all races, some older than me. Valtrex does not protect against other sexually transmitted diseases, valuable information that was too little, too late.
I was deported from Trinidad for cooking illegal rum, and I am a fugitive in Tobago for crimes of love. I do Calculus and applied Linear Algebra for fun. Time slows down when I yawn. I can communicate with farm animals and have found that goats are exceptionally smart. I have met Captain Planet and he is a drunk/wife beater.
I make scented candles for senior citizens to help them "set the mood". I am hopelessly addicted to prescription medicine in the form of Dulcolax, a stool softener. I was the voice of Jar Jar Binks in Star Wars Episode 1 but refused to return in Episode 2 after a falling out with George Lucas over a game of craps.
I was abducted by pirates for several days and taken to their secret hideout where we drank saki and played poker. By the age of seven, I was able to bench press a full-grown man. I can speak Parseltongue fluently. I was asked to be a member of N'Sync but declined because of Justin Timberlake's foul body odor.
I won the Miss Universe pageant in 1982. I am actually 45years old but my asian heritage conceals my age well. I am Red Cross certified to perform CPR. Every Sunday I partake in extreme kite flying. I direct amatuer porn movies in my spare time.
