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I am here for Friends

About Me

I edited my profile with Thomas' Myspace Editor V4.4:i want you to notice when i'm not around:There is something I want to, need to tell you. There are many things I feel I need to tell you. And this is why I am writing this, because you need to know. You need to know about the throbbing in my head, the pounding, pulsing, damn near impossible to ignore sensation that continues. It never sleeps. I need you to know that I am here, there is a person like me, I’ve got your back. You can count on me to look in the crevices of the world, I’ll pick through messy gray area. I’m looking for the unseen, I’ll find it. I need you to know that there is someone out there watching your back, it’s me. I’m picking at my skin to quiet the pulsing, this vibration coming from inside. And out. I feel it. Do you? I’ve been walking around lidless since I was a child. I never could look away, or look at the surface for that matter. I blinked too fast, I could never miss anything. I never got to have those fractions of a second of closed eyes every so often. I could never add up the time I had spent blinking, the accumulation of minutes of eyes shut per day. I didn’t have the luxury of these blind breaks from the world. I think you should know this. I think you should know that I lived through the stinging, my eyes so open. I’ve fallen through the agony and come out awake. I see things, I see things you may not see. Understand this. And with this understanding, I want you to know that I have come to many conclusions about things. My time in this waiting room between deaths has chalked me full of ideas and concerns. I don’t know where I’m going, I don’t even want to know. I do know that stuff stuck. My head has become like a meat market, full of hanging carcass, many rotted and useless, others plump and enticing. I pin things everywhere inside. It all gets stored. And so I want you to know that as I pick these pins out one by one, you may get pricked a time or two. If blood shows, stop. If it smarts a little, continue. I don’t want to mutilate observers, I just want spots of feeling. Drops of anger or intrigue or understanding. I just want a reaction. I want to know that I think negatively of most of you. I want you to know that I doubt your ability to understand, and your ability to listen. I doubt your ability to care. I believe in your ability to be apathetic. I believe in your ability to be bored. I believe in your ability to trade me in for a Cosmopolitan magazine. I challenge your ability to absorb. I challenge your ability to wonder, to think. I challenge your ability to disagree and ponder. I challenge you to read. Welcome to my head.

My Interests

I'd like to meet:

Simone De Beauvoir, Alanis Morissette, Kevin Smith, Thom Yorke, Bjork, Maynard James Keenan, Elliott Smith, Mark Kozelek, Tom Waits, Henry fuckin Rollins,Bradley Nowell, Ghandi, Karl Marx, Durkheim, Siddhartha Gautama, John Lennon, The Dali Lama, Salvador Dali, Anthony Kiedis, Joeseph Campbell, Robert Smith, Robert Plant, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin... and people who are BEING THE CHANGE!

..

My Blog

One synapse fire at a time.

I am enjoying things in St. Petersburg. I was unable to see into my future for a good while. It was completely black, and therefore I was pretty sure it meant that either my existence was really all i...
Posted by on Tue, 30 Jun 2009 18:46:00 GMT

This is who I am these days.

As I was saying earlier, I literally feel like a crazy person. Each moment I feel like I'm wrapping and unwrapping, warping and moulding, smouldering. Last night I saw a documentary called "beautiful ...
Posted by on Mon, 30 Mar 2009 15:43:00 GMT

I am absolutely an alien

I am absolutely an alien. Alienated from myself or from reality I'm not sure which. I am having the hardest time finding a new job. I am having the hardest time figuring out what I want to do with my ...
Posted by on Tue, 10 Feb 2009 15:12:00 GMT

My cells have regenerated, I’m not the same being!

I sort of started all over again, I'm zig-zagging back and forth between elated and terrified. I moved to Virginia to be close to many things. First, my dear friend Colen. It had been a very long time...
Posted by on Sat, 06 Dec 2008 15:20:00 GMT

The Great Gendered Hoax.

I wrote an article for a Zine called "Pulse." I thought I'd share it here, though it's redundant to any of my regular readers...The Great Gendered Hoax. Sex and gender. Two incredible concepts that ar...
Posted by on Fri, 10 Oct 2008 22:03:00 GMT

dreaming

I had a dream an old woman was trying to run me over with her car. Over and over she tried, it was in a parking lot at night. I was screaming and crying, terrified. I wrote down her license plate numb...
Posted by on Thu, 09 Oct 2008 11:39:00 GMT

but in reality, about 100 steps back into barefoot, pregnant, and in the kitchen for us.

A complete change of pace. Instead of wallowing in misery I've decided to be proactive in my life and make some changes. Yesterday we moved into luke's step dad's house. We no longer have to pay rent ...
Posted by on Fri, 26 Sep 2008 01:26:00 GMT

Obama ’08!

Perhaps too much wine when writing that last blog entry?I think so.working working working working. exercising exercising exercising.yoga yoga yoga yoga.optimism optimism optimism optimism.dreaming dr...
Posted by on Fri, 19 Sep 2008 00:18:00 GMT

fighting blindly.

I have a secret place inside my mind where i keep hidden inspiration you won't find. and when my petty anger goes to my head, you'll find you're better off dead. i probably shouldn't be drinking all o...
Posted by on Tue, 16 Sep 2008 01:06:00 GMT

Looking like an emaciated poodle was no great feat.

I really had the wildest dreams last night (up until just a few minutes ago) and I wanted to write them down. I had a dream about the first guy that I ever had sexual relations with. He one of his cou...
Posted by on Sun, 14 Sep 2008 15:45:00 GMT