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bianca

Kids are cunts

About Me

That's how I am, frivolous and sensitive, capable of impulses that can be violent and all-consuming, good and bad, noble and base, but never contain any lasting feeling, any enduring emotion that really penetrates the substance of my soul. Everything in me is a tendency to be about to become something else; an impatience of the soul with itself, as if with an importunate child; a disquiet that is always growing, always the same... I'm two people who mutually keep their distance - Siamese twins living separate lives" - Fernando de Pessoa The book of disquiet

My Interests

Liquid category #1: First holes, cliffs, marinelands, threes, pops, points, concessions, toes, secrets, china walls, haleiwa walls, rockpiles
Liquid category #2: 8Fatfat8, Chiko's, bar35, Anasias, E&O happy hour

I'd like to meet:

“… it almost made me wish I could accept the Christian God instead of my tiny 17 gods of protection because one big God would have helped me through a lot of muck and terror and pain and horror; and it would have been easier and maybe even more sensible, it would have helped me understand some of the whores I had lived with and some of the women, the dull jobs, the no jobs, the nights of madness and starvation, and I suppose that every person who stepped in into that cathedral had some thoughts and some of their thoughts might have led to conversion, but me, I thought, if I converted, if I believed, then I’d have to leave the devil down there all alone in his flames and that wouldn’t be nice of me because in sporting events I almost always tended to root for the underdog and in spiritual events I was stricken with the same malady because I was not a thinking man, I went by what I felt and my feelings went to the crippled, the tortured, the damned and the lost, not out of sympathy but out of brotherhood because I was one of them, lost, confused, indecent, petty, fearful and cowardly; unjust, and kind only in small flashes and even though I was fucked-over, knowing it didn’t help, it didn’t cure it, only solidified it” Charles Bukowski Shakespeare never did this

Music:

CURRENT SOUNDTRACK:
frog eyes fence feels its post
the blow parentheses
leonard cohen you have loved enough
battles race in
beach house tokyo witch
mewithoutyou messes of men
misfits american nightmare
cure grinding halt
fiery furnaces waiting to know you
will oldham death to everyone.

Movies:


John WatersPink Flamingos
Hal Hartley Trust
Steve Zahn in Werner Herzog'sRescue Dawn
Pedro Almodovar's Talk to her and Live Flesh
David Gordon GreenAll the real girls
Leconte's Hairdresser's Husband and The Girl on the Bridge
In the John Cusack category (because I am a child of the 90s)Say Anything, Grosse Point Blank and High Fidelity

Television:

I used to watch the news until I realized I really only cared about the surf/weather report - which is must better articulated on the NOAAA website.
So, if I must watch tv I'll turn on the news. But there are probably better things to do

Books:

Currently: The Scott Pilgrim series by Brian O'Malley.
I wish I could erase my memory and re-read <Two girls, fat and thin Mary Gaitskill, The Story of O, If you want me to stay Michael Parker, Anne of Green Gables L.M. Montgomery, and The mandarins Simone deBeauvoir Anatomy of National Fantasy Lauren Berlant

Heroes:

favorite things:This American Life's Ira Glass, Lauren Berlant's Feeltank, Charles Bukowski's novels, Bob Boilen's musical taste, floss, and my brother

My Blog

Colleen Wilson.

I was listening to This American Life; the theme was "it's never over".We were at Ellicott Mills Middle school together. Tracey Alexander was our ringleader. It was during recess and our group were st...
Posted by bianca on Sun, 07 Oct 2007 02:08:00 PST

modern love

spent last night drunk at a bar. did happy hour twice. at 630 and then again at 10pm. saw a zombie movie in between. i tell myself, at least this is not a night of discussing the latest technology i...
Posted by bianca on Sun, 15 Jul 2007 01:18:00 PST

general interest

Special Skills: an appropriate masseuse for masochists, freecell addict, flosses in public, drools asleep and awake, shares the road with bicycles, often eats with both hands at once, sings a litt...
Posted by bianca on Tue, 17 Apr 2007 11:48:00 PST

my blog has gone to lj

http://biancakai.livejournal.com
Posted by bianca on Tue, 16 May 2006 12:21:00 PST