Michael

I'd like to meet:

MY GRANDPARENTS IN P.I...THEIR MY HEROES!Men's Advice For Women

It is only common courtesy that you should leave the seat on the toilet UP when you are done. If you are cooking a special dinner for a man, be sure to include something from each of the four major male food groups: Meat, Fried, Beer, and Red. Don't make him hold your purse in the mall. When he asks for a threesome with you and your best friend, he is only joking. Unless the answer is yes. If you REALLY want a nice guy, stop dating good-looking assholes. The man is ALWAYS in charge of poking the campfire with a stick and/or tending the grill. Trying to provoke a large, dangerous-looking felon from across the room is not funny. Money does not equate love. Not even in Nevada. Those male models with perfect bodies are all gay Accept it. He heard you the first time. You know, YOU can ask HIM out too Let's spread the rejection around a little. If you truly want honesty, don't ask questions you don't really want the answer to. Of COURSE he wants another beer. The guy doesn't ALWAYS have to sleep on the wet spot. Dogs good. Cats bad. Any sort of injury involving the testicles is not funny. If he has to sit through Legends of the Fall, you have to sit through Showgirls. "Fine" is not an acceptable way to end an argument. Do not question a man's innate navigational abilities by suggesting he stop for directions. He was not looking at that other girl. Well, okay maybe a little. Okay, so what! He was looking at her. Big deal. Like you never looked at another guy. He is the funniest, strongest, best-looking, most successful man you have ever met. And all your friends think so too. Especially the cute ones. Your (select appropriate item:) but..obs/hair/makeup/legs look fine. As a matter of fact, it/they look damn good. Stop asking. Remember: that Nair bottle looks an awful lot like shampoo if left in the shower. Yes, Sharon Stone/Pamela Anderson/Cindy Crawford is prettier than you; Just like Brad Pitt/Antonio Banderas/Keanu Reeves is better looking than him. But since neither one of you is going to be dating any of these people, love the one you're with. Of course size matters, and boy does he have the grandaddy of them all. His (fill in appropriate selections:) bald spot/beer gut/impossibly thick glasses/impotency/scabby rash, is cute. Don't hog the covers. Watching football is a major turn-on for you. But please wait until the halftime show to act upon that. Call so he doesn't feel like he has to.

The reason why our bras don’t always match our underwear is because WE actually change ours! The next time you and your buddy’s joke about armed women in combat, take a poll to see which of you successfully aims at the toilet rim. If we’re watching football with you – it’s not bonding – it’s the butts. If you were really looking for an honest answer, you wouldn’t ask in bed. If only women gossip, how do you and your friends keep track of “who’s easy”? The next time you have a strong need for male bonding, visit your proctologist. Cutting your toenails and trimming your nose hairs are grooming activities best done privately. Foreplay is not a privilege…it’s a birthright. If you take us out to a fancy restaurant, be prepared to pay for the lobster dinner. During lovemaking don’t ask, “Who’s your daddy?” Even if it’s a joke…it’s not funny! Don’t tell us how to merge and we won’t tell you to ask for directions. If we catch you cheating and cut off your penis while your sleeping – take it like a man. Don't ever lie to us, we always find out. Size does matter. A system in your car only impresses your homeboys. No matter what you say, your ex-girlfriend is a ho. If you did something wrong or even if you didn't, apologize. If the truth hurts, ask us those ego-sensitive questions on your payday. Whenever possible, please try to say whatever you have to say after the movie. Please don't drive when you're not driving. Our bedtime headaches are inversely proportional to the number of baths you take. If you were really looking for an honest answer, you wouldn't ask in bed. We don't mind if you look in the mirror to check your appearance -- in fact -- please do !!! When you're out with us, please wear "our" favorite outfit rather than "yours" -- the torn jeans and dirty T-Shirt will last longer that way. Don't insist that we "get off the damn phone" and then not talk to us. Eye contact is best established above our shoulder-level. We go to the Ladies Room in groups to talk about you. The next time you joke about female drivers, research the number of accidents caused by rubber-necking mini-skirts.

They always smell good even if its just a shampoo They way their heads always find the right spot on out shoulder How cute they look when they sleep The ease in which they fit into our arms The way they kiss you and all of a sudden everything is right in the world How cute they are when they eat The way they take hours to get dressed, but in the end it makes it all worth awhile Because they are always warm even when its minus 30 outside The way they look good no matter what they wear How cute they are when they argue The way his hands always finds yours The way they smile The way you feel when you see their name on the caller ID after you just had a big fight The way she says "lets not fight anymore," even though you know that an hour later.. The way they kiss when you do something nice for them The way they kiss you when you say "I Love You" Actuall..just the way they kiss you... The way they fall into your arms when they cry The way they apologize for crying over something that silly The way they hit you and expect it to hurt The way they say "I Miss You" The way their tears make you want to change the world so that it doesnt hurt anymore The way they fish for compliments even though you both know that you think she's the most beautiful thing on this earth