For the convenience and safety of those of you out there in MySpaceLand, please feel free to merely read this first part, and then skip the more extended portion below, unless you are one who likes extended versions and director's cuts. Or revisit it later when you're feeling adventuresome ~ it can be good to be less "skimmy," if you have the time and feel up for some exploration.
The 45: As are we all, I am a "work in progress," now getting her former mess in order. A -E - I - Ohhhhhh-You ... and sometimes SHY.
EXTENDED PLAY:
Under construction. Please pardon our dust while we remodel. Meanwhile, you may take a little detour. Please take the 13th floor Elevators to the restrooms on the 8th floor. Consider this paragraph the shortcut, Cliff's Notes version. So you've seen the over-edited version of the movie, or maybe a short film teaser or trailer. Now do you want to see the director's cut, or perhaps even read the book? Anyway, if you are feeling something better and higher than "darn skippy" and feel eager to digest it all, then I invite you to continue onward.
The first “n†in my name (Jennifer) is silent. Just thought I'd let you know, as it's such an unusual name, I know. :-) Some of what follows here was written at different times when I was in some strange mood or another, not so much "me" anymore, but more of a historical snapshot. Let's look at it as a retrospective, words written probably mostly during those late-night, insomnia-fueled sessions that can inspire the stream-of-consciousness style of thought/writing. A valid artform, of sorts, eh? Anyway, it's all fine.
Please fasten your safety belts and keep this in mind as you continue navigating your way through the next several paragraphs. You may need to break out your compass, but I doubt it, as I've now edited this to be a more palatable experience. We encourage mental sharpness and alertness, and orienteering skills are excellent.
I am a recovering shy person who now appreciates and cultivates this quality, but who can also be very forthright and open due to an innate (and valued) honesty, coexisting with compassion. It is not necessarily a contradiction, but in certain situations, things are interesting ~ multi-faceted dynamics.
I have a youthful spirit and idealism, but feel like an old soul, if there's any sense in a chronology of the eternal Soul (perhaps this makes sense in terms of Soul personality). I was a lot more sagacious as a child than I am now, but that's true of most of us, and at least I'm having more childlike fun now than I did back then. I used to just sit around observing everything and not saying much. I felt very disconnected/detached/disassociated from people and the world in some ways, but very deeply connected in others. I now know that it's nice to participate, though again, I do on occasion feel much less intelligent about everything (well, i suppose that's just healthy to feel once in a while, eh? Just so long as it's not during my academic study or exams!)
“...If every moment of our lives were cradled softly / In the hands of some strange and gentle child...†(4)
I'm not easily offended, but I can be squeamish about certain things ~ though growing past some of this ~ {“My thumbs have gone weird!!†(5) }, ;-) and Historically, I've sometimes been too easily hurt by people, the world, and life's often harsh realities. So now i am asking a lot of questions ~ and the answers always manifest. I am pretty perceptive about people and am also sensitive to their moods and general vibes, but I have (again, historically speaking) often been rather clueless ~ sometimes comically ~ when it comes to myself. In the past, I had lousy timing in almost everything. All this added up to make me a bit socially awkward. I have often felt that I have a lot to say but have ended up being mostly silent around people (especially when in large groups of people) because it was difficult for me to find the right gap in a conversation to get a word in (the “edgewise†gap?). I think this was mostly due to a lack of training or practice opportunities in certain social aspects of life, though also influenced by my somewhat quiet nature. I used to go from the extremes of either remaining reticent while trying to be too courteous, or speaking up too forcefully and trying to interject or state something, which then left me feeling concerned that I had interrupted someone. Finding the right conversational ebb and flow is much easier after conscious practice and some discipline. To borrow from Austin Powers, I look to being "switched-on, baby, YEAH!" With my earlier "different" sense of timing, I'd be a much better comedy writer than comedian, but I wonder how well it would go over if I were to write the joke a day late, too. {Ba dum bum...Drum! Clang!}
The best thing I've ever experienced so far is skydiving...such a fear-conquering thing. It made all my petty concerns of the time melt away, and it also made me feel that I could do almost anything I set my mind toward. Of course, that feeling has been less immediate, but I'm recalling some of it and getting that sense back. I was capable of jumping out of a plane at 13,000 feet, and I loved it...WOW!...Yay! Now, I will apply that same courage to other areas of my life.
While I'm all about peace and harmony, I'm also very much an individualist (and now introducing me as an individualist/dualist!) I'm my own person (though lately feeling positively and beautifully like more of a "we"!), but it is with a lot of help, love, and kindness and grace from above, and despite the problems that can sometimes arise as a result of my choosing not to run with the pack, I'm proud of my individuality, the fact that I haven't felt a strong urge to conform. "Your time has come...to shine...All your dreams are on their way..." {I am still an individual, a bit of a non-conformist, and a dreamer...but I am now choosing to positively channel all of this and run WITH a pack. A pack of artists, visionaries, and creatives/healers, in fact...a very excellent pack, indeed.}
But getting back to a point...We don't like ochlocracy and the negative aspects of the "group think' phenomenon. I mean, we're humans, not pack mules, so the way I see it, it's our duty and destiny to rise above that limiting kind of pack mentality, to lift and celebrate (like a cross-your-heart bra?) the individual in the manner of Howard Rourke (protagonist from The Fountainhead). The only unfortunate side effect of that evolutionary direction, combined with progress, technology, and our fast-food nation, has been (historically) a certain sense of isolation, but that condition is easily remedied, once identified. People have seemed to be connected peripherally, perhaps too much in that sense, yet have not been able to allow themselves to be more deeply connected in many true senses anymore. This is changing as more and more people awaken. One of my philosophies is this (at least in the abstract…I do try to live it and am working on this more and more in manageable bits): "Forge ahead into the uncomfortable!"
I think maybe I'm just somewhat anti-sameness (does that make me an anti-sametite?)…it's all so boring and homogeneous. They paved paradise and put up a freakin' Cheesecake Factory (and a Stealbucks). I don't limit my friends to only one specific image or type. I am and have always been the person who gets along with pretty much everyone, so I'm embracing those diplomatic qualities. Some people are too afraid of diversity or of those who go against the grain.
“But gee, Channukah Harry…Isn't it that deep down inside, we're all pretty much…the SAME?†(7) (HUH? Yes, but that's my point, sort of...wait…"Stop, you're embarrassing me." :-) RESET.
I have often written e-mails, profiles, and other communications that went far beyond conventional lengths, perhaps because I was so much less loquacious in my real life and therefore just needing to get something of myself out there. If I were to write a book, I'd most likely call it, Parenthetical Comments. But I aspire to write a screenplay. I've got a few film ideas kicking around in my head that I hope to be able to actually turn into something someday. (Well, WE'RE already doing that...LIFE AS ART AND ART AS LIFE!) But yeah, I'm kind of a dreamer -- AREN'T WE ALL?! -- and have sometimes (in the past) gotten lost between the vision and the execution. That is not the case any longer. (For more on my past cloud-dwelling tendencies, see my older blog archives...I wrote about this on my old profile here and archived the whole thing in my blog.)
I sometimes like my comedy dark ("How much more black could it be? And the answer is none. None more black." (8) ), but the right kind of goofy can be really sexy, too.
A goal of mine is to learn how to surf soon!; I don't know why I never tried it before, considering that I grew up not too far from the beach. I think my soundtrack for repeatedly falling off the board ~ FOR MY SURF VICTORY! ~ would have to be Tears for Fears, Songs from the Big Chair album, which for some reason always reminded me of my youth spent at the beach, watching surfers in their quests for the big waves. {The soundtrack came to me mostly because of the "Head Over Heels" song. Sing it with me...“Surfing happens and I'm head over heels…†Songs from the Big Kahuna.} Man it feels good to be a gangsta! Yeah, that's me being a luddite and smashing my computer (or was that my a**?!) to bits.
But thank goodness (and a friend!) for a great, working G4 laptop computer that has been a really big help! I'm using it for important work, i.e., building the life I envision for myself, from deep within my heart and Soul.
EXPERIMENTAL ART SECTION: Sometimes I mix my metaphors (more of my anti-sameness thing?…parallel structure can be overrated), and yes, I'm sometimes into non sequiturs, too. I cast a reel into my stream of consciousness and see not only what I can hook, but what floats up all around it. (Nice imagery, eh?) The law of increasing marginal rivernue.Wade through a bit of my mental silliness, if you dare...this speaks of times past: Suspicious minds. There's something strange going on tonight. I'm Wired awake in America. There was a time when I was listening to a lot of electronica. Miss Kittin was great, but due to recent strange experience, I'm kind of anti-Hacker.
There are so many clashing LOVELY seemingly-clashing-yet-actually-coordinating patterns prettying up my frequency. Some sparkly moiré patterns? I'm GAINING my vertical hold. Do not adjust the set (unless you're of a certain angelic stock)...I like the floating. The Dot and the Line, when they get together and connect, become a bit…well, strung out ...STRONGER! NOT A frayed knot. Pray to Frey over Hel? This is a job for the Interrobang…Promoting punctuational awareness everywhere. Things are taking shape. And shapes are taking things.
Attributes for stuff quoted above:
(2) Come on, you should totally know this one...
(4) —from "One by One All Day" by The Shins
(5) Tell me if you recognize it, or send me a message if it's driving you nuts and you absolutely must know.
(6) —Bertrand Russell
(7) —Victoria Jackson as a little girl in a sketch with Jon Lovitz as Channukah Harry on SNL
(8) Once again...Oh come on. You should know this. I'll give you a hint. He's got an armadillo in his trousers.
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A FEW QUOTES THAT I ESPECIALLY LIKE:
"There is no reality except the one contained within us. That is why so many people live such an unreal life. They take the images outside them for reality and never allow the world within to assert itself."—Herman Hesse
“Gently to hear, kindly to judge.†—Shakespeare. ("For real, tho."—Jamie Foxx's Wanda character from that old t.v. show, Living Color)
"Is life worth living? That depends on the liver." —Anonymous
And most importantly (though I'm ashamed to say this is not always as foremost in my mind as I'd like for it to be, it's never far away...):
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." —Confucius
Umm...that is, unless the issue of concern is spaying and neutering your pets?! What would Confucius would say to that one?
