Master Kate - ProfilesArchive

About Me

I'm a hypocrite, communist, conspiracy theorist, liar, and I don't believe in capital punishment unless it's death by stoning or burning. I have poor balance, poor hand eye coordination, and an unreliable memory. I am awkward, incompetent, stressed out, suspicious, and slightly manic. And I don't really like to be touched all that much. It's startling, and uncomfortable.I like smart, tall, nerdy boys. Smart boys in general, really.I'm terrified of most everything. Cats, birds, bears, heights, speed, driving, recklessness, germs, death, dead people, murderers, pedifiles, rapists, people with weapons, people that don't need weapons because they can kill you with their bare hands, small places with lots of people, confrontation, being trapped, man-eating insects, pain, extremely awkward situations, papercuts, shrapnel... I think that's about it. MySpace Slideshow Upload Images Random Backgrounds MySpace Editor Photo Collage

My Interests

I like being outside, but I don't actually like doing anything while I'm out there. I like rafting, and sea kayaking. I like the smell of fresh fish, Orange trident gum, lemons, and lilacs. I like subtitles, moustaches, cars, Snapple and books.I love the snow, and Christmas, and winter and the cold. I really like the cold.I have a fish named Jacquimo, and another fish named Porn. Jacquimo lives in a bowl in my room, and Porn sometimes hangs out around my neck. They're good fun.

I'd like to meet:

Your mum... and Jimmy Buffet... and Attila the Hun... and James Ensor... and the Snapple Lady... and Angelina Jolie... Douglas Adams... Edward Teach... The Loch Ness Monster... Alfred E. Newman... Edgar Allen Poe... The Johns from They Might Be Giants... Steve Martin... Santa... Seth Green... Barnes and Barnes... Technoboy...

Music:

R.E.M, They Might Be Giants, Tiny Tim, Spice Girls, Seeed, Pink Martini, Pearl Jam, Seeed, Talking Heads, Barenaked Ladies, Captain Everything, Beach Boys, Beastie Boys, Jimmy Buffet, Harry Connick Jr, Dire Straits, Ween, Elton John, Dave Matthews Band, Van Morrison, Big Bad Voodoo Daddy, John Coltrane, Herb Albert and the Tijuana Brass, Duke Ellington, Bing Crosby, Ella Fitzgerald, Blues Traveler, Bob Marley, Blondie, Billie Holiday, Spin Doctors, The Comodores, Midnight Oil, UB40, Oingo Boingo, A Faulty Chromosome, Jurassic 5, MC Frontalot, WHY? Benny Benassi...

Movies:

The Princess Bride, Scarface, Singin' in the Rain, Can't Hardly Wait, Willow, Erik the Viking, Little Shop of Horrors, The Jerk, Donnie Darko, Anastasia, Van Wilder, Beauty and the Beast, The Sandlot, There's Something About Mary, Night at the Roxbury, Batman, Ocean's Eleven, The Italian Job, The Transporter, Boondock Saints, Young Frankenstein...

Television:

Oh man... I love television. It's just fantastic. Like Law and Order... all of them, Mythbusters, Seinfeld, That 70's Show, Ren and Stimpy, Angry Beavers... beautiful. I also watch those shows with David Spade... cause he is so lovely.

Books:

Berke Breathed, Roald Dahl, Shel Silverstein, Dr. Seuss, Douglas Adams, Kurt Vonnegut, Lloyd Alexander, Edith Pattou, Edgar Allen Poe... I don't know... I don't know I don't even like books.

Heroes:

Mike Dexter, Edmund C. Berkeley, and... dun nun nun nun nun nun nun nun nun nun nun nun... BATMAN. Oh, and ninjas! Just like my pretty little ninja fetus! I adopted a cute lil' ninja fetus from Fetusmart! Hooray fetus! His name is Foshi.

My Blog

BOYS!

Okay. We all know I like to judge boys. Because they are hilariously ridiculous. I've compiled a list of things that I judge them on, whether it be consciously or otherwise. The weight each trait has ...
Posted by Master Kate on Tue, 02 Jan 2007 09:21:00 PST

Ode to Swen Who Constantly Looks Like He is on Drugs

Ohhh, you are the only penis for meEven though yours is pretty weeYou are the tingling sensation when I peeYou are the SEXUAL in my Disney movieeeee Oh Swen, I did your mother [twice]Oh Swen, I d...
Posted by Master Kate on Fri, 14 Jul 2006 01:52:00 PST

Here's what I learned in church....

1. Life is hard. 2. You are not in control. 3. It's not all about you. 4. You are going to die. ... Awesome.
Posted by Master Kate on Mon, 22 May 2006 07:38:00 PST

I love you.... Akward.

I'm cursed. You know those evil things people send you that say if you don't send it to ten thousand people in the next ten seconds you'll be cursed forever? I always deleted them. I realize my deadly...
Posted by Master Kate on Wed, 03 May 2006 03:04:00 PST

Yo!

Shut up, shut up, shut up I don't care. I want to procreate with Tony the Blaire. He's the primzle minizle of the U Kizzle. Tony's got a hotty body but a little bit of grizzle. Math: the language of ...
Posted by Master Kate on Wed, 03 May 2006 08:08:00 PST

Olympic Hotties

During the summer Olympics in 2004 it was Paul and Morgan Hamm, the twins with the big muscles and the tiny schwanstugel.... voices. Now it's Shaun White: The Flying Tomato. Oh Lordy! I certainly hope...
Posted by Master Kate on Tue, 14 Feb 2006 07:50:00 PST

I may not be the brightest tool in the shed, but I am undoubtably the sexiest.

This little ditty goes out to all my fans out there.... It's not so much a ditty as a glance in to my soul. Or in laymans terms... RAP. It's Kay-Cee in da hizzle yo, And its boom boom boom ...
Posted by Master Kate on Wed, 01 Feb 2006 09:49:00 PST